


Ruby

by SpookyFaces



Category: Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Depression, Drinking, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Josh is in love with his pretty neighbor, M/M, Minor Character Death, Single Parents, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Tyler has a baby
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-25
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2018-11-18 16:01:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 21,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11294004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpookyFaces/pseuds/SpookyFaces
Summary: The love of Tyler's life dies when she gives a birth to their child. The world gets destroyed for the boy, whose angel gets taken away from him. He can't stand looking at his daughter, he can't let himself love the baby, the one that murdered his happiness. But it is so hard, especially when she looks just like Jenna..Tyler becomes a single father and Josh is his caring neighbor, who wants to make the beautiful boy feel the happiness, joy and love once again. Because Tyler's smile is too pretty to be hidden away. Because Tyler deserves to be happy..





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It's 4:08 a.m. and this idea woke me up from the sleep. Anyways, the first chapter is really short, but there will be more. 
> 
> Hope you'll enjoy!  
> Stay safe,frens.

“No,no, no shut the fuck up, you don’t know what you’re saying! She’s-She’s only 25, she’s beautiful, you’re-you can’t say this I can’t-“

“I am so, so sorry, Mr. Joseph.. The blood vessel ruptured within her head causing a hemorrhage. We did everything to save your wife. We are sorry for your loss, I know it is hard to process. We couldn’t prevent it from happening, her pregnancy was going so well, nobody expected this.. Your-Your baby is safe, she’s-“

“I don’t fucking care!” - The boy sobbed, hands clutching on his hair. His whole world got destroyed in one second. He didn’t give a single shit about the baby. The baby that killed his love. But, for some reason, his broken heart missed a beat when he heard the pronounce. _She._ A girl. Their girl. Jenna was keeping the baby’s gender as a secret for Tyler to surprise him. 

“We are going to keep the baby for the week, until she’s ready to leave an intensive care unit. After that, you will have to fill the forms and take her home. Once again, I am really, really sorry for your loss, you need to be strong..”

The nurse left then, her quiet footsteps disappearing in the hallway. Tyler sat there, on the cold,white floor, tears streaming down his face. His chest was hurting, his fucking heart was ripped apart. He lost her, he couldn’t keep her safe. She’s gone. Morning kisses are gone. Midnight whispers are gone. Silly pranks, tasty pancakes, stupid jokes, loud laughs, ocean-blue eyes, golden-blonde hair.. Everything was gone. The ray of light was gone. The only thing that wasn’t gone is Tyler himself. But he wish he was gone,not her. She didn’t deserve this. He let out another sob, body wrecking and trembling from the cries leaving his lungs. What was he supposed to do? How was he supposed to live without his Jenna?

__

_1 week later_

“Tyler.. Tyler, baby wake up.” - The soft voice crawled inside of Tyler’ head, snapping him out of his sleep. His lashes disconnected slowly. His neck was hurting from an uncomfortable position he fell asleep in. He blinked the blur away and stared at the face in front of him.

“M-Mom?”

“Hey, baby. You fell asleep. Everyone’s already left.. Come on, let’s get you to the bed. It’s been a hard day for you..” - He felt his mother dragging him up from the couch he was sitting on. Memories came back, emotions washed over him once again. Jenna’s body has been buried six feet under the ground. Today was her funeral. He fell asleep at her funeral.. 

“Do you think you can walk on your own?” - His mother asked, concern written all over her face. Tyler nodded silently and felt the woman’s grip getting weaker on his forearm. He started walking up the stairs when he heard a strange noise coming from one of the bedrooms. A cry. A quiet, broken cry. His head turned towards his mother, who was staring at him with her eyes full of worry.

“Honey,-“

“Is she here?” - Tyler asked, his voice cracking at the end. His mother sighed and looked down at the floor, giving no response to her son. Tyler run a hand over his face and let out a shaky breath. 

_She_ was here. They brought her home. 

“Tyler? Tyler, baby, she-she needs to be taken care of, she’s-“

“I don’t care.” - Tyler managed to mumble, looking away from his mother. He shook his head and walked towards the door leading to his room. His fingers clutched the doorknob. 

“If you just looked at her-Tyler, she looks just like Jenna..” - His mother whimpered, tears were streaming down her pale cheeks as she stood behind her son, her thin arms wrapped around herself.

“I don’t care what she looks like..” - Tyler whispered, squeezing the doorknob harder. His knuckled were getting white from the pressure. “She killed her. She took her away from me..”

“Ty, baby-“

“Good night, mother.” - With these words Tyler walked into the bedroom and shut the door quietly behind his back, leaving his distressed mother alone in the hallway. He should still hear the cries of the baby when he collapsed on his bed. He covered his ears with his palms and buried his head deep into the pillow. He wanted to never hear _her_ voice. He wanted to never see _her_. He wanted _her_ to disappear.


	2. Chapter 2

_"Tyler? Tyler, baby, wake up.. The baby's kicking me, you-you have to feel this!" - The soft voice crawled up his mind. Tyler opened his eyes lazily and met his beautiful wife's golden smile._

_"Come on, you sleepy-head!" - Jenna giggled, staring down at her tummy. "Give me your hand." - She grabbed Tyler's hand and placed it over her stomach._

_"Jen, it's 6 A.M. Why did you wake me-" - Tyler mumbled but was cut off when he felt a weak kick on Jenna's tummy. His breath hitched, words got stuck in his throat. He quickly sat up and placed the other hand too. He felt another kick. And another._

_"Oh my God.." - He whispered, tears gathering up in his eyes._

_"Are you crying?! Ty, you're so silly, oh God! Come here." - Jenna wrapped her arms around the boy's thin body, allowing him to bury his nose in the crook of her neck. Tyler inhaled her smell, so sweet and lovely._

_"I can't wait till we meet our baby." - Jenna whispered, gently stroking Tyler's back with her delicate hands._

A cry. He heard a cry. A loud, unbearable cry, which caused Tyler to open his eyes. The dreamy images of his wife disappeared along with the darkness in his eyes. He blinked the blur away and looked around. He was alone in the bed. Of course he was alone.. The darkness and heaviness covered him in a second as he registered the harsh reality. Jenna was gone. The boy threw away the blanket and got on his feet, nearly falling down from the weakness in his knees but balancing himself. He lazily got rid of the suit he fell asleep in and put on his sweatpants and hoodie. He saw a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror. Oh dear, if Jenna could see him now, she would definitely freak out. His hair was a mess, sticking out in seventy different directions, his eyes were bloodshot and rounded with dark circles, his lips were chapped and faded.. He shook his head and walked out of his room. A cry got louder when he appeared in the hallway, it was coming from the bedroom near his own. He tried to listen and register if anyone was at home, but seemed like he was alone. With _her_. He sighed and slowly walked towards the bedroom. He opened the door and walked in.

It was Jay's old room. For as long as Tyler could remember, it's been decorated with the posters of bands and soccer players. But walls were empty now. Everything has changes. _she_ changed everything. He spotted a pink stroller in the corner. His heart missed a beat as he gulped and looked away from it. He could hear the cries and sobs coming out from the bed that was placed in the center of the room. He was ready to turn around and walk out, but for some reason, his legs carried him directly towards the bed. He squeezed his eyes shut as he approached the baby. Tyler's hands gripped on the edges of the bed as he leaned down. The cry has stopped. The silence filled up the room. Tyler's blood was boiling from anxiety, his head was spinning. He wasn't ready to face _her_. He wasn't ready to see _her_. He knew he wasn't. But his mind seemed to ignore his thoughts. His lashes disconnected slowly.

He saw her. He saw her blue, deep eyes that reminded her of the ones he loved so much. He saw her small, fragile hands. He saw her pale skin, pink lips, funny small ears. He saw her and he saw Jenna in her. He saw his Jenna. Tyler let out a broken sob as he fell down to his knees near the bed. He reached out his trembling hand, slowly, gently touching the baby's cheek. 

Oh God, he felt her. He felt her skin, he felt his baby. She let out a funny, quiet sound and stared up at her father with her huge, doe eyes. Tears were streaming down Tyler's face but he could stop himself from smiling. She was beautiful. She was unique. She was his and his Jenna's baby. She occupied Tyler's heart from the second he saw her and there was no way she would ever crawl out of there. Tyler loved her. 

"Baby.. My baby.." - He whispered. The baby's hand reached up, her tiny hand curled around Tyler's trembling finger. She was so small. So fragile. Tyler couldn't tear of his gaze from her. 

He heard a quiet shuffle behind his back. In a second, he picked up the baby and flew up to his feet, holding her closer to his chest. His heart was beating like a crazy when he turned around to face whatever or whoever made the sound. The relief washed over him when he saw his mother leaning on the doorframe with tears in her eyes. Only then Tyler registered what he has done. He felt the danger and his body automatically reacted to protect the baby. His baby. He looked down at the girl in his arms, whose small head was resting on her father's shoulder. She was wearing a small, red dress which looked funny and cute on her. 

"She is beautiful, isn't she?" - Tyler's mother asked quietly. Tyler couldn't answer. He continued to stare at his daughter. "She has her eyes.."

Tyler finally managed to look away from the baby. His eyes locked with his mother's soft ones.

"Where-Where did you find this dress?" - He whispered. Kelly smiled at him.

"Jenna brought it when the doctors told her she was having a girl. She asked me to keep it here until she was born. She told be she used to wear the dress like that when she was small. And she said her favorite color was-"

"Ruby." - Tyler breathed. His eyes once again crawled down at his daughter. 

"Yes." - His mother nodded and sighed.

"No,no she-Her name. Her name is Ruby." - Tyler whispered. 

"Ruby.." - Kelly repeated with a smile on her face.

"My Ruby." - The boy whispered, forgetting about his mother or anything else in the world besides his little angel. She was true, she was so pure. She held the cure. The cure for Tyler.


	3. Chapter 3

_6 months later_

Tyler pulled over the car and turned off the engine. He sighed then, hands still gripping on the steering wheel. He was in front of his ( _their_ ) house. The house where he lived with his Jenna a few months ago. The house that would feel so empty without he. His mother pleaded for him to stay with his family for a little longer, but he refused. He knew, eventually, he would have to come back. He didn't want to wait anymore. He wanted to come back.

"You okay?" - His sister's soft voice snapped him out of his thoughts. He let his hands fall down to his lap.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Come on." - He mumbled and went out of the car. He walked over the passenger's seat and opened the door for Maddy, who was holding Ruby in her arms. Tyler reached his arms for the baby and Maddy handed her to Tyler with no hesitation.

"Come here, baby." - Tyler whispered, holding Ruby closer to his chest. He walked towards the stairs with Maddy walking behind him, caring Ruby's stroller. They walked up the stairs quietly and reached Tyler's floor. He pulled out the keys with one hand and turned around to face his sister.

"I've got it from here."

Maddy's eyes went wide for a second. She stared at her brother, eyebrows raised.

"You sure? I can stay, help you with-"

"I'm sure, Mads. Thank you." - Maddy nodded then and placed a small kiss on Tyler's cheek. After, she gently caressed Ruby's arms with her finger. Her eyed were filled up with tears when she looked up at her brother.

"Take care of yourself. And of your girl, Call me if you need anything." - She said with her voice shaking. Tyler smiled at her.

"Of course, Mads.." - After these words, Madison turned around and went down the stairs, leaving her brother and the baby behind. Tyler stared at her until her silhouette disappeared from the sight. He put the keys into the keyhole and turned them right. That's when he heard the door in front of his apartment open. 

"Ty?"

Tyler's heart warmed from the familiar voice. He quickly turned around, one hand protectively wrapped around Ruby's small body. His brown eyes met warm, deep ones. He saw raven-haired boy with full lips and bushy eyebrows standing in front of him with his eyes wide.

"Bren.." - He whispered. 

The next second, strong arms were locked around his thin body and his face met Brendon's warm chest. The smell of cigarettes and mint crawled up Tyler's nostrils. He stumbled back from surprise and let out a small yelp. Brendon pulled away instantly.

"Oh my God, sorry. Did I hurt the-the baby?" - He ranted, staring down at the small creature in his friend's hands. Tyler shook his head gently and smiled.

"No, she's okay."

"She?" - Brendon gasped. "Is she-Oh God, it's a girl." - He inhaled deeply and run a hand over his face. "Jesus Christ, Tyler.."

His eyes suddenly filled up with concern and worry. He placed a hand on his friend's shoulder and looked him in the eyes. 

"You holding up, buddy?" - He asked quietly. Tyler shrugged. What else could he say? He didn't know.. Brendon was the closest friend he and Jenna have ever had. He lived right in front of them and was always there for them. He would stay up all night, helping Jenna when Tyler was sick. He would take Jenna to doctor when Tyler was out of the town. He was always there. 

"Ty, I'm here for you.." - The raven-haired boy whispered,like he was reading Tyler's mind. "Whatever you need.."

"Thank you, Bren." - Tyler nodded. "I-I think the only thing I need right now is a friend.." 

"Of course,yes." - Brendon stared down at the girl in Tyler's hands.

"Oh, Bren, meet Ruby." - Tyler turned to the side, so that Brendon could see the baby's face. "Our-My baby." 

"She's so beautiful, Ty." - Brendon breathed. "Her eyes, she has-"

"Jenna's eyes." - Tyler finished for him. Brendon smiled and nodded quietly. Suddenly, Tyler heard a strange shuffling behind their backs. He leaned Ruby closer to his chest and turned around. He couldn't stop a surprised gasp leaving his mouth when he saw a person standing in Brendon's doorframe. The strange person. There was a guy, with bright, yellow hair, nose ring, colorful tattoos and exposed chest. He wasn't wearing a shirt. His chocolate-brown eyes were staring at the scene in front of him, his eyebrows knitted together from shock. Tyler stared back at the boy, holding Ruby close to him.

"Oh, hey, J." - Brendon waved to the guy. "Tyler, this is Josh, my new roommate. Josh, this is Tyler, my friend. The one I used to tell you about."

The confusion disappeared from the boy's eyes instantly. He took a step forward and reached out a hand.

"Hey, nice to meet you, Tyler. Brendon talks a lot about you." 

Tyler didn't expect this to happen, so instead of shaking the guy's hand, he stepped backwards and wrapped his other hand around Ruby. Josh gulped and let his hand fall down to his side. 

"And this.." - Brendon approached Tyler and pointed towards Ruby. "This is Ruby. Tyler's baby girl. And I'm her uncle Brendon." - Raven-haired boy grinned proudly. Josh stared at the baby with his eyes wide. He couldn't manage to form any words to say, so he just stared at her like a weirdo.

"What-What happened to Pete?" - Tyler asked Brendon about his old flatmate quietly.

"He got married." - The boy shrugged. "I know, shocker! I was surprised, too. Apparently, his boss, the one that loved fedoras, purposed on the Valentine's day. They live together on the other side of the city. Anyways, Josh lives with me now. I have a feeling you two will get along." 

"Yeah, s-sure." - Tyler mumbled, his eyes locking with Josh's deep ones again. "I-I better go in now, it's time for Ruby to take a nap."

"Oh, right, of course." - Brendon moved out of the way so Tyler could open the door to his apartment. "Call me if you need anything, I'm literally a wall away."

Tyler nodded and smiled at his friend.

"Thank you, Brendon. And-And it was nice to meet you too, Josh. Sorry for being so awkward, I'm still getting used to.. To everything, I guess.." - Josh's eyes lighted up. He smiled back at Tyler, crinkles appearing near his eyes.

"It's okay. Bye, Tyler." - He waved at the brunette. Tyler swallowed hardly and walked in, shutting the door behind his back. 

He sighed deeply and leaned on the door with his back. That was the one thing he certainly didn't need - new neighbors. New people in general. Ruby let out a small cry, snapping him out of this trans. 

"Oh, sorry, angel. Come on, let's get you to sleep.."


	4. Chapter 4

A sharp pain cut Tyler's brain. He was sitting on the floor near the bed, hands clasped over his head as he tried to block away Ruby's desperate screams and sobs. He's been up for five hours, trying to understand what he could do to stop his baby's cries. She wasn't hungry, her diapers were clean.. It must have been the bellyache, but Tyler had no idea what to do. He cursed himself for not being ready for situations like this, for not knowing enough stuff about taking care of his baby. It's been a week since he came back to his house and everything was going too well, until now. He wanted her to be okay, but there was nothing he could do. So he just sat there, clutching on his hair, tears streaming down his pale face. Jenna would know what to do. He desperately needed his Jenna. She would make everything right. His head turned to the side to face his baby. Tears were falling from her blue, doe eyes.

"I-I don't know what to do.." - Tyler whispered. "I am so sorry, I don't know how to h-help you.."

A soft knock cut Tyler off. It was strange he could hear such quiet knock through Ruby's cries. His heart missed a beat as he realized there was nobody, who would visit him at such a late time. He got to his feet, sniffling and wiping tears with a sleeve of his hoodie and slowly approached the entrance door. He cleared his throat before turning the keys and opening the door. The relief washed over him as he saw two familiar faces looking at him with a concern. 

"We heard the baby crying and-Jesus Ty, what's wrong?" - Brendon gasped, worry filling up his eyes as he saw the state Tyler was in. The brunette sniffled once again and shook his head.

"I can't-I don't know what to do. She-She's crying and I-I have no idea why, I tried everything.." - Tyler whispered, not being able to lift his eyes from the ground. 

"Do you think we need to call the doctor?" - He heard another worried voice. He knew it was Josh talking, but he was to embarrassed to face the boy. He shook his head instead.

"Okay, maybe we can help?" - Brendon asked. Tyler shrugged at this. Ruby's cried got louder suddenly and Tyler's heart missed a beat. He turned around and quickly walked back into then bedroom, leaving the entrance door open for the boys to come in. He kneeled in front of the bed, his trembling fingers gently wrapping around Ruby's tiny wrist. 

"I am so-so sorry, baby.." - He whispered shakily, tears starting to form in his eyes once again. "I wish your mommy was here.. I am sorry..P-Please forgive me..." 

With the corner of his eyes he saw someone crouching beside him. He felt a hand landing on his shoulder sympathetically. He wanted to shrug it off, to pull away, but he didn't have enough energy for it. Another wave of sobs washed over him, even though he tried so hard to bury them inside of him. He let out a quiet whimper and covered his eyes with the hand. An arm was now wrapped around his shoulders, his face met a warm chest. He opened his eyes suddenly as realization hit him. This wasn't Brendon, he didn't smell like Brendon. Tyler pulled away and lifted his head. He was met with chocolate-brown eyes full of concern and.. Pain? The brunette gulped and moved away from Josh.

"I-I'm s-sorry, I thought you were B-Brendon-"

"It's okay, Tyler." - Josh shook his head. He looked at Ruby, who was hiccuping, tears still shining on her cheeks. Her sobs quieted down a little.

"I didn't kn-know it would be so hard.." - Tyler whispered suddenly,as he was apologizing to Josh. To Ruby. To Jenna. "God, it's s-so hard.. She wants her mommy, she-she wants things that I can't give her.."

"Hey, that's not true." - Josh answered softly. "She may need her mother, but you're her father and she needs you too."

Tyler sniffled and wiped his tears away. 

"Have you tried singing?" - Brendon asked from somewhere behind their backs. Tyler looked back to see his friend sitting the couch in the corner of the bedroom, his elbows resting on his knees. "I mean, singing her to sleep."

"N-No?" - Tyler's brows knitted together. 

"You should try it. I could never fall asleep without my mom's singing. And you have a nice voice, Ty." - Brendon suggested.

The brunette's eyes returned to Ruby. He nodded then and got up to his feet. He leaned down, gently placing his hands under the baby's body and lifted her up. He brought her closer to his chest, her head was now resting on his shoulder. He started pacing around with Ruby in his arms, hushing her gently. Ruby has stopped crying, but her body was still shaking. Tyler sighed and closed his eyes, placing a small kiss on his child's head. 

_" Now.. The n-night.. Is coming to an end.."_ \- He started to hum softly,lips still touching his daughter's skin. He heard a quiet gasp leaving Josh's lips, but he tried really hard to ignore and not think about it. _" The sun.. Will rise.. And w-we will try again.."_

Tyler lifted his lashes. He looked at the picture that was standing on the nightstand. He looked at Jenna's smiley face. He looked at the ocean-blue eyes and golden hair.. 

_"Stay alive.. Stay alive.. For me.._ " 

But then his eyes locked with Josh's deep ones. The boy was still sitting on the floor near the bed, staring up at Tyler with a shocked expression. His eyes were wide, lips parted. Tyler continued to sing, his gaze never leaving Josh's face.

 _"You will die.. But now your life is free.. Take pride in what's sure.. To..Die.."_ \- Tyler breathed the last word. Josh gulped and tried to look away, but only after a second, his eyes returned to Tyler. And for some reason, Tyler couldn't tear his gaze off the boy too. So they just stood there, both of them frozen, staring at each other wordlessly, until Brendon cleared his throat and gained Tyler's attention.

"She's asleep, Ty." - The boy murmured. Tyler looked down at the baby in his arms. She was breathing slowly, her eyes were closed and a peaceful expression was painted on her face. Tyler breathed out with a relief as a small smile stretched on his lips.

"She's asleep.." - He nodded and stated quietly. He slowly approached the bed and gently laid Ruby down, covering her with her pink blanket. He looked up at the boys then. "Thank you.."

"For what, Ty?" - Brendon asked surprised. "Don't be silly, man. I've told you I'm always here for you." - Brendon looked at Josh then and added. "We. We are always here for you."

Tyler sat on the edge of the bed and run a hand through his messy hair. 

"We better get going now." - Brendon said as he stood up from his seat. "J?"

Josh finally tears his eyes off Tyler and shook his head, as he was trying to shake off his thoughts. He got up and mumbled a small "yeah". Tyler got up and leaded them to the door.

"Night, Ty." - Brendon waved and disappeared into the hallway. Josh looked back at the brunette for a moment. He swallowed hardly and looked away.

"You-you're a good father, Tyler." - He mumbled, eyes glued at the floor shyly. "And your v-voice is really n-nice."

"Thank you, Josh." - The other boy smiled. Josh noticed the dimples appearing on his cheeks and his heart sank. _He's never seen such a beautiful smile._ "Good night."

"Yeah, n-night." - He answered and walked out of the apartment, following his flatmate. The thoughts about his pretty neighbor didn't leave his mind that night.


	5. Chapter 5

A loud music woke Tyler up. He lazily opened his eyes and cursed quietly as he realized it was his phone ringing. He reached his hand to the nightstand and grabbed his phone, looking down at the caller ID. He rolled his eyes and answered the phone.

“Mum?”

 _”Tyler, baby! Good morning, how are you?”_ \- His mother's voice chimed into his mind.

“Mother, it’s 8 A.M.” - Tyler glanced at the clocks beside his bed. 

_”How is Ruby? Are you eating well? Don’t you need anything?”_ \- Kelly ignored Tyler’s grumpy answer. 

“I am okay, mom. Yes, we have a lot of food. Ruby’s perfectly fine,too. She’s sleeping-“ - He was cut off with a quiet sound coming from the other side of his bed. “Or was sleeping. You woke her up.”

 _“Oh, I am so sorry, baby!”_ \- Tyler’s mother whined. The migraine in his head got unbearable from her loud voice. Tyler squeezed his eyes shut and pinched then bridge of his nose. 

_”I miss you two so much! Please kiss Ruby for me._ ”

“Ugh,fine, okay! I-I will. Good bye, mother.”

_”Bye baby, love you!”_

Tyler hang up the phone and threw it somewhere near his feet on the bed. He turned to his side and faced Ruby’s curious, blue eyes staring up at him. She looked so surprised Tyler couldn’t stop himself from laughing. 

“Your annoying grandma woke us up, Ruby.” - He murmured. “She loves you so much, I’m getting jealous, young lady.”

Ruby let out a loud squeak and reached her tiny arms towards her father.

“What, you want to get up? Already? Ugh, fine.” - Tyler got up from the bed and lifted Ruby into his arms. 

“What do you say if we go out for a little walk,huh?” - Tyler suggested. Ruby looked up at him like she really understood the question and squealed once again. Tyler shook his head and smirked.

“Fine, let’s go. I’m taking you out on a date, Miss Joseph.”

__

The cold October wind was stroking Tyler’s cheeks. The familiar smell of autumn was already filling up the city. Orange and red yellows laid around the corners like defeated soldiers. Tyler wrapped his arms around his body, trying to stay warm. He glanced down at his daughter in the stroller, who was sleeping peacefully, layers of blankets covering her tiny body. He smiled at the sight. He was so mesmerized by his daughter that he didn’t hear the footsteps approaching him, until somebody’s weight lifted down on the bench beside him. The brunette jumped from surprise and turned his head to the side. He was met with red cheeks, heavy breathing and sweat-covered face.

“Hey!” - Josh grinned, still trying to catch his breath.

“H-Hi?” - Tyler mumbled. Josh was wearing a hoodie and joggers, earphones were resting on his chest and Tyler realized Josh was out for the run. The thin boy was never one for sports, even though he used to play basketball when he was in school. Actually, that’s how he met Jenna. She was the lead cheerleader, Tyler was the captain of his team. So cliche, right?

“I’ve never seen you out this early.” - Josh stated, his eyes swirling holes on Tyler’s face.

“Yeah, we-we woke up early today and decided to go out for a walk.” - Tyler shrugged, trying to ignore the boy’s gaze. Why was he staring? And why did Tyler like it?

“Is she okay? I mean, from that night-“

“She’s fine.” - Tyler nodded. “It’s just-I have to sing for her every night now until she falls asleep. I blame Urie for that.”

Josh’s lips parted.

“Oh.” - He managed to mumble.

“Yeah. I don’t-I’ve never liked my singing, to be honest. But she seems to love it.” - Tyler smiled, staring down at his baby.

“I agree with her.” - Yellow-haired boy said quietly. Tyler lifted his eyes to face Josh, whose cheeks were now getting rose-pink. He shuffled nervously in his seat and started playing with his fingers. 

“So you were out for the run?” - Tyler asked, not knowing what else to talk about.

“Oh, yes. I love running. I can’t really explain why.”

“No, I get it.” - Tyler shook his head. “Jenna loved running too. Until she got pregnant with Ruby, every day, she would get up early in morning and go for the run. And every damn day she would wake me up and ask to join her. But of course, being the lazy ass that I am, I would decline her offer and continue to sleep.” - Tyler smiled at the memories washing over him. “God, I wish I could turn back time. I would do anything she asked me to do. Any fucking thing..”

Tyler felt heaviness in his chest, a ball of emotions raised in his throat. He swallowed hardly and blinked away the tears gathered up in his eyes.

“I-I’m sorry.” - He mumbled.

“Don’t apologize.” - Josh said softly. “I like when you tell me things. I wish I knew Jenna..”

“I wish you knew her too.” - Tyler looked at the boy beside him. “She was.. Amazing. She was like a ray of sunshine, making everyone around her happy. You can ask Brendon, she would bake pies for him and Pete every weekend. And she had the most beautiful laugh. She was filling up my life with joy. And now, with her being gone, I’m left alone,feeling nothing.. Numb, dull and empty. It’s like colors got erased from my life..Sometimes I wish it was me buried under the ground,not her.”

Tyler let out a shaky breath. He didn't even know why was he opening up to Josh. But he couldn't tell these things to his mother, she already was worried enough about his mental health. And he couldn't tell Brendon, because the guy would feel the need to check up on him every second if he knew Tyler's thoughts. He felt warm fingers interlacing with his shaking, frozen ones. He looked up and saw Josh’s deep eyes staring at him.

“You’re going to be okay, Ty.” - Josh said. Tyler’s heard missed a beat from the nickname. “Everything will be alright..”

“Yeah..” - Tyler nodded. “I’ve got Ruby now. I’ve got a new ray of light in my life. Smaller, but still a ray.”

“That’s right.” - Josh smiled, crinkles appeared by his eyes. 

“I-I wrote a song for her.” - Tyler admitted suddenly. He didn’t even know why he said it. He just needed to let it out.

“Really? You did?” - Josh asked surprised. “Can I hear it?”

“Well, I-“ - Tyler gulped and looked around the park. They were alone. He breathed out shakily and nodded. “Y-Yes.”

Josh leaned back on the bench and closed his eyes, as if he prepared to listen. Tyler cleared his throat, anxiety rising up in his chest. But then his eyes landed on the small body sleeping in the stroller and everything around disappeared. Ruby managed to make the world invisible for Tyler. 

" _Ruby, I hope I see you, I've waited all this week_  
For you to walk my way, your soul will capture me  
Your momma painted your room a shade of pink, she said  
But with your great arrival that shade has turned to red. " 

His voice was shaking slightly, but he didn’t give a damn. He was staring at his daughter, his little, beautiful Ruby and nothing else mattered.

" _You're an angel fallen down? Won't you tell us of the clouds?  
You have fallen from the sky. How high? How high?_

_You're true and pure_  
You hold the cure"  


Josh’s fingers squeezed Tyler’s hand harder, but even this couldn't snap Tyler out of his trans.

 _"Tell your mom I’m sorry.. Tell your mom I’m sorry.._ "- His voice broke at this. He stopped singing and finally looked up at Josh, who was already staring at him with that shocked expression of his. Tyler tried to smile, but the other boy’s gaze was so intense he felt awkward and even uncomfortable.

“It’s-I know it’s bad, but she likes it, and-“

“That was beautiful.” - Josh breathed suddenly. 

“Oh.” - Tyler blinked. “I-Thank you-“

“You are beautiful.”

Tyler froze. His eyes went wide as he heard those words. He opened his mouth to say something, but his vocal chords gave up on him. He couldn’t manage to say anything, so he just stared at Josh surprised, with his mouth hanging.

“I-I’m sorry.” - Josh shook his head and flew up to his feet suddenly. “Gosh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it. I mean, I meant it but- Oh, fuck. Look, it was nice to talk to you but-I gotta go.” - With these words, Josh turned around and took off from the park, leaving shocked Tyler and sleeping Ruby behind. 

Tyler couldn’t stand up and go home for the next two hours.


	6. Chapter 6

Josh's fingers were hugging a mug full of hot chocolate when Brendon walked into the kitchen with a bag full of groceries. At first, he didn't even notice the yellow-haired boy sitting beside the table. Josh cleared his throat,making Brendon jump from surprise. 

"What the-Jesus, Josh! You can't fucking scare people like that!" - The raven-haired boy shouted, pressing a hand to his chest. 

"Sorry." - Josh smirked and sipped his drink. "You went grocery shopping?"

"Yeah, we were running out of the food,so.." - Brendon started filling shelves and fridge with food, humming some strange melody under his nose.

"Bren?" - Josh gained his attention once again. Brendon turned around, raising his brow. "Can you tell me more about Tyler? I mean, I already know some simple stuff, but I just-I wanna know what he likes, for example or what type of music does he listen to, or-"

"Woah,woah." - Brendon laughed and shook his head. "Look at you. Are you-Are you in love with him or something?"

Josh choked on his drink and coughed into his fist.

"What?! No! Of course no!" - He managed to say after he steadied his breathing. "I barely know him. And his wife died months ago, I'm not stupid, Bren."

"I didn't say you were stupid." - Brendon shrugged, sitting down in front of his friend. "I mean, Tyler's an attractive guy. Too attractive for his own good. I kinda had a crush on him when I first met him in the high school, so.."

"Seriously?" - Josh exclaimed.

"Yeah." - Brendon nodded. "Let me tell you something, Joshie. Tyler needs a friend right now. He has me, but I'm not sure that's enough at the moment. So if you want to get to know him, take the piece of cake I've just bought and go visit Tyler. Talk to him. Maybe he will open up to you."

Josh stared at his friend with his lips parted from surprise.

"I-I don't-Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Absolutely." - Brendon winked and stood up from his seat. "Oh,and I beg you - take out the garbage on your way out."

"Brendon, I'm going to the apartment next door not-"

"Can't heeaar you!" - Brendon sang as quickly walked out of the kitchen.

__

 

Josh felt anxiety rising up in his chest as he approached Tyler's door. He shook his head, trying to get his messy curls away from his face. He sighed then and knocked on the door twice, clutching his fingers on the plate that he held. He heard some shuffling behind the door, then approaching footsteps and finally the door opened and revealed the thin brunette. Josh blinked as he looked straight into Tyler's eyes. The boy looked.. Sad. His slender body was covered with a huge, mustard-colored hoodie, his nose and cheeks were red and eyes looked bloodshot. Josh gulped, not being able to tears off his gaze from the boy.

"Josh?" - Tyler's quiet voice crawled up his mind. 

"Um, Hey. Hey, Ty. I-I decided to bring you some cake." - Josh held the plate in front of him. 

"Oh." - Tyler blinked, staring down at the cake. "Th-THanks, I guess? Come in." - He opened the door wider, letting Josh step into his apartment. He closed the door behind the curly boy's back and leaded him to the kitchen.

"Sorry, the house's so messy, I didn't have the time to tidy up.." - He mumbled as Josh looked around. Tyler was right, it was messy there. Dirty plates and mugs were laying all over the place, dust was collected on the shelves and Josh almost tripped over the dozens of cans of Red Bull thrown around the floor.

"It's fine,man." - He shook his head and sat down the chair beside the table. "Our apartment would be chaotic too, if Brendon wasn't so obsessed with cleanness."

It seemed like Tyler didn't even hear Josh. He started rummaging in the cupboards, looking for the plate to the cake on.

"Where's Ruby?" - Josh asked suddenly, as he noticed an unusual silence in the house. Tyler sighed, finally giving up searching and turned around to face Josh. He sniffled and wiped his face with a sleeve of his hoodie before answering.

"Zack took her for a walk." - He responded. Josh nodded, even though he had no idea who Zack was. Tyler must have spotted the confusion in his eyes, so he added. "My brother - Zack."

"Oh, got it." - Josh smiled. Tyler crashed down the chair in front of him and draped a hood over his head. Josh cleared his throat before speaking up again.

"So, um.. Do you like music?" - The yellow-haired boy asked and mentally slapped himself for being so lame and awkward. Tyler's brows knitted together, looked like he was thinking about something very serious and important. His eyes then met Josh's face and he responded:

"Yeah. Yes, I definitely love music." 

"Me too." - Josh nodded. "I mean, you-you write music, that's so cool. Do you play anything?"

"Piano and ukulele." - Tyler answered almost automatically. 

"I play drums. We should play together sometime." - Josh suggested. Tyler didn't respond this time. He just stared at the spot somewhere behind Josh's back. Josh leaned forward, his hands resting on the table now. He examined Tyler's face, his reddened nose,puffy eyes. He looked zoned out. He knew what that meant.

"Are you okay, Tyler?" - He asked quietly. Tyler's gaze darted from the spot he was staring at to Josh's eyes. His eyes went wide from the surprise.

"Wh-What?"

"I asked if you're okay.."

"And what kind of question is that?" - Tyler snapped suddenly. Josh didn't expect this kind of reaction from the boy.

"I just-"

"I know what you meant, Josh." - Tyler hissed, crossing his arms on his chest. His voice got louder as he continued to speak. "But do you really think you need to ask me that? I mean look at me, look around - I'm a fucking _mess._ I can't keep this place clean, I can't take care of myself, I can't-I can't function like a normal person when these dark thoughts are eating me alive. You know why? Because every time I pass the balcony I think about jumping out, or-or every time I touch the soap I imagine what a pleasure it would be to slip on it and shatter my scull on the bathroom piles!" - Tyler was ranting, his eyes glued at Josh. His trembling fingers were nervously scratching his skin on the wrist, tears were spilling down his cheeks. "The only thing I care about is my daughter and today, with her being gone, I've realized how pointless my life is. So no, Josh, I'm not okay and I don't think I will ever be-"

Tyler's shaking voice was cut off as Josh grabbed the boy's hand and pulled it away to stop him from scratching himself. The brunette stared at him for a moment, then blinked and shook his head.

"Gosh,I'm so sorry." - He whispered. Josh was now kneeled in front of him, his hands still gripping Tyler's forearms. 

"Look at me, Ty." - He pleaded. 

"I-I don't know why I spilled those things, I don't-"

"Look at me." - Josh repeated, this time softer. Tyler gulped and locked his eyes with Josh's deep, honey-brown ones. "I know you've been through a lot, I know life's been harsh with you, but.. Don't you dare to take your life away from us. From Ruby, from your family, from Brendon, from-from me."

Tyler was still shaking, but his breathing has steadied. He nodded and sniffled quietly. 

"I'm here for you. You have to try and learn how to live with your pain. You have to do it for your daughter."

"I know." - Tyler mumbled. 

"I will help you. But you have to help yourself first. You have to give yourself a chance. You have to fucking forgive yourself. What happened with Jenna was not your fault."

"I promised to always protect her.." - The boy whispered shakily.

"And you are. You are protecting her. In here.." - Josh lifted his finger and gently touched Tyler's chest. "And in here." - The he put his finger on Tyler's temple. "She lives in your heart and memories.. You are protecting her, Ty."

Tyler stared at the boy in front of him. He felt the softness and care radiating from Josh's body. He sighed, then shook his head and suddenly, his thin arms were locked around Josh's shoulders. Josh froze for a moment, his breath hitching. Tyler rested his head on the boy's shoulder.

"Thank you." - He whispered. "Thank you so much."

Josh slowly lifted his hands and put them on Tyler's back. He smiled and nodded slowly as he felt Tyler's fingers clutching on his hoodie. 

_Jesus Christ, he was in love._


	7. Chapter 7

"Brendon, turn down the volume or I swear to God I will throw you out of the window!" - Josh shouted, even though he doubted his friend would hear him through the noise coming from TV.

"What?!" - The other boy shouted back, not tearing his eyes off the screen.

"I said.." - Josh approached the TV and pushed the button to mute the sound. "I said - turn the voice down."

"Hey, I was watching that!" - Brendon whined. 

"I don't care." - Josh shrugged. "Did you buy us coffee today?"

"Um, no?"

"Brendon!" - Josh rolled his eyes and sighed. He looked at his friend, who was staring at him with his puppy eyes. "You'd be dead if you weren't so cute, I swear." - Josh mumbled. Brendon grinned and nodded in response.

"I've been told that I'm cute." - He said.

Josh lifted his brow and crossed arms on his chest.

"Let me guess - Ryan?"

Brendon's cheeks colored in the dark shade of pink. He looked down shyly and nodded, biting his lip. Suddenly, they heard a rushed knock on their door. Josh looked at Brendon with a confused expression. Brendon just shrugged in response, meaning he had no idea who could be visiting them. The color-haired boy approached the door and turned the doorknob. His heart missed a beat when he saw Tyler standing in the doorframe, with his eyes wide and face pale.

"Ty?"

"I need help." - The boy breathed, staring at Josh.

"What? Hey,what's wrong?" - Josh put his hand on the thin boy's shoulder. 

"I-I havent slept in two days. Ruby has a temperature and I can't-I can't help her. I need help." - The boy's voice cracked on the last word. Josh's guts twisted from the sight. He looked back into the apartment.

"Bren!"

"Yeah?" - The boy answered from the living room.

"Ruby's sick. Ty needs our-"

"What?! How-What happened? How is she? Is she hurt?!" - Brendon bolted out from the room, barely catching his breath.

"She has a high temperature." - Tyler answered quietly. 

"Okay, fuck, that's-that's not good." - Brendon breathed, panic rising in his chest. He run a hand through his fluffy hair. 

"I don't think we can help her like this." - Josh mumbled. "We should call the ambulance."

__

Is it necessary to say that Tyler Joseph hated hospitals? This was the place where he lost his wife. This was the place where Jenna shut her ocean-blue eyes and never opened them. So yes, even the sight and mentions of hospitals raised anxiety in Tyler's chest. He wanted to crawl in the furthest corner and just stop existing. But here he was, with this whole body trembling and hand clutched on Josh's forearm as Brendon was singing some files.

"You have nothing to worry about," - The nurse informed Brendon, her eye swirling holes on the boy's face. "It's just a flu, the baby will be alright. We will keep here overnight in case it gets more serious."

"Thank you." - Brendon smiled with that breathtaking smile of his. The nurse stared at him with her eyes wide.

"Looks like the girl fell in love with Bren, huh?" - Josh whispered to Tyler. The brunette gulped and nodded nervously. "Ty, everything's gonna be okay."

"I-I know, it's just, this-this place-" - Tyler whispered shakily,his doe eyes staring at Josh.

"Wanna go out for some fresh air?" - Josh suggested. 

"Yes, yes,please." - Tyler nodded furiously. The curly boy interlaced his fingers with Tyler's shaking ones and leaded him out of the hallway to the hospital yard. The second they got out, Tyler felt a cold breeze hitting his face, but for some reason, it only made him feel worse. The boy leaned on the bricked wall, rapid breaths were leaving his lungs. He felt like he was suffocating, like the air got ten times heavier than it was supposed to be. Hs body was shaking violently. He felt a weak grip on his wrist and after a moment, Josh's soft voice filled up his mind.

"Ty? Ty, can you hear me?"

Tyler nodded, still gasping for air. He couldn't feel his fingers, everything felt numb,but overwhelming at the same time. He slowly slid down the wall and sat down on the cold ground, his hands clasped over his head. 

"Tyler, concentrate on my voice.." - He felt Josh kneeling beside him. The yellow-haired boy cupped Tyler's face with his hands. "Breath,okay? In and out, slowly. Everything is okay, I-I've got you."

Tyler felt tears streaming down his face and embarrassment washed over him. _How many times does Josh have to see you crying?!_

"I-I-I'm s-sorry." - Tyler breathed, his head still spinning. His breathing finally steadied 

"What? No,no, don't be sorry. Oh, Ty.." - Josh hugged the boy, burying his nose in Tyler's hair. 

"Th-This is where it h-happend." - Tyler stuttered. "J-J-Jenna."

Josh squeezed the boy harder, feeling tears gathering in his eyes. He wanted to hug the sadness out of the beautiful boy in his arms. He wanted to make Tyler smile and laugh. He wanted Tyler to be happy.

"I've got you." - Was all he could mumble.

"I-I know." - The thin boy nodded. Josh finally pulled away and was now staring down at Tyler. 

"Better?" 

"Yeah." - Tyler sniffled. "I'm sor-rry."

"Don't. Like I've said, I'm always here for you." - Josh whispered softly and wiped Tyler's tear paths with his thumb. Tyler visible tensed from the action, so Josh quickly moved his hand away. "We should head back, Bren's probably worried."

"You go, I-I need some time alone." - Tyler mumbled and got up on his feet. He puled out a pack of cigarettes from the pocket and a lighter. Josh's eyes went wide.

"You-You smoke?"

"Yeah." - Tyler shrugged. "Jenna hated it, so I kinda stopped when we got married, but now I.. I don't smoke near Ruby, only when I'm out, without her.."

Josh nodded, staring at the way cigarette was placed between the boy's pink, plump lips. Tyler lighted it with his shaking hands and inhaled a poisonous smoke. Josh tried really hard not to imagine the way Tyler's lips would feel pressed against his. He swallowed hardly and blinked several times.

"Okay, I'll wait inside then." - He finally decided, because his staring at Tyler was getting creepy.

Tyler nodded in response, his eyes never meeting Josh's. The curly boy turned around on his heel and walked towards the entrance. Only when he opened the door, he heard Tyler's weak voice.

"Josh?"

He turned his head to face Tyler, who was still holding a cigarette in his hand. His eyes were staring right into Josh's soul.

"You're beautiful,too." - Tyler said and looked away, exhaling smoke. Josh froze for a moment, then shook his head and walked into the hallway. The second the door got shut behind his back, he let out a shaky breath and leaned on the wall with his forehead. He didn't imagine it,did he? Tyler said he was beautiful. _Tyler_ said it. 

His heart was ready to jump out of his chest. He wanted to scream from the butterflies raising in his stomach.

"Jesus fucking Christ." - Josh whispered. What was he supposed to do? 


	8. Chapter 8

It's been a week since Josh has last spoken to Tyler. He's been trying to avoid any kind of a conversation with a boy. Why? Because he had no idea what to do with all the feelings and thoughts the boy was waking up in him. He was sitting in the living room, staring our of the window when suddenly, the realization hit him. He realized something so important and big, that he wanted to jump out of that window from embarrassment. His eyes went wide and breath hitched.

"Brendon!" - He shouted, his voice cracking from the shock. 

"What?!" - The other boy shouted back from the bathroom. Josh could hear the water running in the shower.

"Fuck. Fuck, you need to come here, now!"

The water stopped and in a second, half-naked Brendon with a towel wrapped around his hips flew into the room. Water was dripping from his wet hair.

"What happened?!" - He screamed, struggling to hold a towel still. Josh turned around and looked up at his friend guiltily.

"Bren.. Oh God.. Bren,I'm in love with him."

The raven-haired boy stared at his friend for a moment. Then he crashed down on the couch with the shocked expression. The towel slipped from his fingers. 

"Towel! For fuck's sake, Brendon!" - Josh squeezed his eyes shut and turned his head away.

'You're kidding." - The boy whispered, eyes glued at Josh. 

"I-I'm not.." - Josh shook his head sadly. "I'm not and God, Bren I am so scared. I don't know how or why it happened, it just.. He's so.. Fuck.."

"No." - Brendon hissed suddenly. The curly-haired boy looked up at his friend confused. "No, no way." - Brendon jumped to his feet and approached Josh, his face twisted from fury and anger.

"Wh-What-"

"Don't you dare to think this is a joke, Dun." - The boy growled. Josh has never seen him so angry. "If you even think about hurting him or-or confusing him in some way, I will hang you on the chandelier with your guts, you got me?!"

Josh was staring up at his friend, afraid to say anything.

"Bren, I would never hurt-"

"No, you will let me fucking finish. Tyler's been through a lot you and you can't mess with him. So if you don't want to end up with your neon head shoved up in your own ass, you stay away from him,understand?"

Josh nodded violently, fear painted in his chocolate-brown eyes.

"Good." - Brendon nodded. "Good. Now, I'm gonna go finish my evening-shower, and then go meet with my future boyfriend."

With these words Brendon disappeared from the room, leaving shocked Josh behind him.

__

Josh's been staring at the same spot on the wall for almost an hour now. Brendon left on a date with his Ryan and since then, Josh hasn't moved from the couch. His head was spinning, thoughts were interlacing between each-other, ending up in a huge pile of mess. What was he supposed to do? How did he let himself fall in love so easily ? How could he fall in love with Tyler? He growled and threw his head back, shutting his eyes. God, he wished he never moved into this apartment. Brendon was right. Tyler was too heartbroken right now and Josh had no right to develop these feelings for the boy. But he couldn't control himself. Suddenly, he heard a loud knock on the front door. With a sigh, he finally teared his ass off the couch and approached the door lazily. He opened it and of course, of fucking course he saw Tyler standing in front of him. He swallowed hardly and tried to look calm and behave normal.

"Hey, Josh." - Tyler smiled. Or tried to smile. Josh's heart missed a beat. _Calm down, Joshua._

"Um, hi." - Josh mumbled and looked away from the boy.

"Ruby and I are bored, so I thought maybe uncle Josh could come by and watch TV with us?" - Tyler asked, his quiet voice sending shiver down Josh's spine.

"I-um.." - Josh struggled to find any words. He cleared his throat and looked down at the floor. "Look, Ty, I don't think it's good idea."

Tyler's smile dropped in a second.

"Oh. Why?" - The boy frowned.

"I just.. I don't think I should, you know, spend so much time with-um.. With you."

Tyler looked shocked. His brown eyes were staring at Josh. 

"I don't understand-"

"You better go, Ty." - Josh shook his head and reached to close the door, but Tyler managed to put his leg in front of it and stopped the door from shutting. "Tyler, please-"

"No, you need to explain everything to me." - Tyler whispered, but his eyes. His eyes were so.. Empty. Josh wanted to die.

"I really can't, okay?" - Josh said.

"Not okay. Have I done something wrong?" - The boy's expression softened. "Please, tell me what did I do. Did I say something? I'm sorry if I did, I-"

"No. No, you did not, Tyler."

"Then what?' - Tyler's voice was shaking. "Josh, you can't just shut me off like this, without telling me a reason. You're my friend, I need to know."

"I can't control myself when I'm with you!" - Josh shouted suddenly, making Tyler jump from surprise. The brunette stared up at him with his eyes wide and lips parted. 

"What?" - He mouthed.

"I can't, fuck.. I can't do it. It's too hard, and I can't do this to you. You're hurting and I-I just can't. I'm sorry." 

"What the hell are you talking about?!" - It was Tyler's turn to shout. Josh stared at the boy in front of him, his heart was beating so hard. He wanted to hug Tyler and never let him go. But he couldn't. He wouldn't.

"I am sorry, Tyler. I really am. You need to go." - Josh said with a cold expression. He saw tears glimpsing in Ty's eyes.

Josh definitely didn't tear up when Tyler stormed off from his door, leaving nothing but his sweet scent behind him for Josh to choke on.

__

It's been a week. A week since the two of them spoke. It was hard, so fucking hard for Joshua. His running routine got longer, he needed to let the anger and emotions out. His work out got harder, angrier. He was barely home, since he was afraid he would bump into Tyler in the yard. _Tyler._ Tyler was practically living in his thoughts. The boy's eyes full of pain and distress, staring up at him. His hurt expression and bitter tears. Josh would never forgive himself. But he would never forgive himself if he let his feeling for the boy cause something bad to happen. So yes, the half of him was sure he did a right thing. But the other half was keeping him up at nights..

He was playing X-box with Brendon when they heard strange noises coming from the entrance hallway. Brendon paused the game and neared the door, peeking out from the eyehole. His eyes went wide in a second. He looked at Josh with a nervous expression.

"What? What's going on?" - Josh asked. Brendon gulped and opened his mouth to say something, but he was cut off with a scream. A bloody scream. And Josh would recognize this voice everywhere. He shoved Brendon off the door and opened it quickly. The scene in front of his eyes caused him to freeze on a spot. He saw a tall, masculine man holding Tyler with his strong arms, while the boy struggled to free himself. He saw tears sliding down Tyler's face as the brunette screamed the word Josh couldn't understand because of the sobs escaping Tyler's lungs. His eyes followed where Tyler was looking. He saw the middle-aged woman, holding Ruby close to her and walking down the stairs. Ruby was crying, reaching her tiny hands towards Tyler.

"Hey!" - Josh growled as he finally woke up from his trans. The woman looked back surprised. "Who the fuck are you?!"

The woman stopped walking and was now staring at Josh. 

"Tyler.. Tyler what's going on?" - Brendon appeared near the boy in a second. He looked up to see the face of the man who was holding Tyler. "M-Mr. Black?"

Josh's heart started sinking. _What?!_ Tyler's knees were barely holding him. His energy was all gone from the screaming and he was just standing there with tears streaming down his cheeks.

"Brendon, step away, son." - The man ordered, but Brendon didn't move. 

"What's going on? Where-Where are you taking Ruby?!" - Josh asked loudly. The man's eyes flew up to the curly-boy.

"This is none of your business!" - He growled. "Tyler is not capable of taking enough care of himself and the baby. She has a temperature, again! Second time this month. We can't let out granddaughter live in this conditions!"

 _Granddaughter._ Josh felt his knees started to shake.

"Debbie, take Ruby and go. Tyler, you need to let us take her. Jenna wouldn't want her daughter to live like this.." - The man said with his voice calm now. He let go of Tyler's forearms and the boy nearly fell down, but Brendon caught him just in time. The brunette regained his balance and finally looked up. The woman has already disappeared from the stairs. Ruby was gone. Tyler's face twisted from pain as the new wave of sobs washed over him.

"Good bye, Brendon." - The man mumbled and quickly walked past the boys. His footsteps quieted after a moment and the three of them were left alone in the hallway. Josh was struggling to find any words in his mind. He watched as Tyler pulled away from Brendon shakily and slowly walked into his apartment. He shut the door behind him and they heard a loud scream after a moment. A pained, blood-freezing, brain-piercing scream.

Josh rushed to follow the broken boy, but Brendon stopped him and shook his head.

"There's nothing we can do, J. They have the right to take Ruby away. They are Jenna's parents.. He needs to be alone right now." - The raven-haired boy whispered as he wiped tears away from his face.

Josh hated everything and everyone around him. Especially, he hated himself. He hated himself for being away from Tyler for so long and leaving him alone. He hated himself for not protecting the boy from such pain and distress.. He hated everything.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning!!
> 
> stay safe, frens.

Standing in front of Tyler's door, nervously shuffling from one foot to another, anxiety rising in the body. Josh has found himself in this situation already three times that day, but he never gained enough courage to actually knock on the metallic surface. _What will I tell Tyler? How can I help him?_ For the first time in years, Josh felt he was powerless and helpless. And he hated it. The curly boy breathed in shakily and finally knocked on the door. He felt sweat coming out on his forehead. He got no response. He knocked again. Nothing. His brows furrowed as he tried to turn the doorknob. And it turned. The door opened and Josh's heart sank to his toes. He stepped in, shutting the door behind him. He looked around. Tyler's flat has always been dark, but this time it was almost impossible to see anything through the darkness. The curtains were drained, not even a tiny spark of light could crawl in. Josh gulped nervously and approached the living room.

"Ty?" - He called the boy. Once again - nothing. Empty bottles and cigarette packs were lying all over the floor. Josh recognized the liquid in bottles - Vodka. And he knew it was not good. Not good at all. He continued to look for the brunette in all the rooms. Finally, he reached the bedroom. He stepped in and felt the relief washing over his body. He saw Tyler lying on the bed, curled up on himself. He couldn't see the boy's face because of the darkness.

"Tyler. Hey, it's me.." - Josh whispered and approached the bed. He kneeled in from of Tyler. He was sleeping, his face was too pale and Josh could see tears paths still shining on the boy's soft cheeks. He stroke the hair strand away from the boy's face. The touch cause Tyler to flinch slightly, his eyes flew open. He blinked several times before his eyes went wide and he quickly sat up in his bed.

"Hey,hey, don't be scared, it's me." - Josh said softly, calming Tyler. The boy stared at him, his expression still surprised and confused. "I wanted to see you.. How-How are you?"

Tyler didn't respond. Instead, he continued to stare at the yellow-haired boy in front of him. Josh even thought for a moment Tyler didn't recognize him. 

"Talk to me, Ty." - Josh pleaded. Tyler shook his head suddenly and hided his face in his hands, his shoulders wrecking from the sobs escaping his chest. Josh's heart swelled, he gently wrapped his arms around the boy's thin body, letting him bury his nose in Josh's neck. A sharp smell of alcohol crawled up Josh's nostrils. He realized Tyler was drunk by the way he moved, but he had no idea how to help the boy, and he had no idea how much did Tyler drink.

"She's not com-ming back." - Tyler slurred through his sobs. "They won-n't let m-me bring her back.."

"Hey, it's okay." - Josh assured the boy, gently caressing his cheeks. "She is your daughter, they can't take her away from you. She needs you."

"I'm such a m-mess." - Tyler whispered shakily. "I can-n't lose her too. I can't live like this.."

"You won't lose her, Ty. She will be back, I promise.." - Josh wasn't even sure about his words, but Tyler needed to hear them.

"Why are you s-so good to m-me?" - The brunette asked suddenly, muffled words escaping his soft lips. 

"What do you mean, Ty? - Josh asked. Tyler pulled away from the embrace and was now sitting in front of Josh, his tired, bloodshot eyes locked on Josh's face.

"Why do you care?" - He asked quietly. Josh sighed, because he knew it was alcohol talking in Tyler, not the boy himself.

"You're my friend." - The curly boy shrugged. "I care about you."

Tyler nodded, his eyes finally leaving Josh. He looked down at his fingers, which were trembling violently. 

"You weren't supposed to come here. I'm so,so sorry.." - He mumbled suddenly, his voice becoming too serious. 

"What do you mean?"

Tyler closed his eyes and fell back on the bed, adjusting the pillow under his head.

"I wan-nt to sleep. Could you please leave?" - He breathed. Josh stared at the boy. He was confused from the sudden exhaustion taking over Tyler's body.

"I-You want me to go?"

Tyler hummed in response, not opening his eyes.

"Oh.. Okay, um.. I'll see you later,then?" 

"Yeah.." - Tyler mumbled.

The curly-haired boy got up from the bed and walked out of the room. He sighed the second he stepped out from the bedroom. He didn't understand what was going on, and worse - there was nothing he could to. Josh stepped over the mess on the floor and started picking up the bottles, because if drunk Tyler walked out in here he would probably break his neck. One by one Josh picked up all the bottles and put them on the table. That's when he saw something strange. He spotted a small, orange bottle lying under the table. His brows knitted together as he crouched and took the bottle in his hands.

_Medicine: Zolpidem._

_Patient: Tyler Robert Joseph.  
_

Zolpidem.. He recognized the name, his mother used to take the sleeping pills for years when he was a child. He turned the bottle around and his breath hitched. _Empty_ The bottle was empty. The realization hit him with a full force. 

"No, no.." - He flew up to his feet and bolted back to the bedroom where Tyler was lying. He run up to the bed and sat on it, his hands clutching on Tyler's shoulders.

"Hey! Hey, Ty?!" - He shook the boy slightly. Nothing. _How could he be so stupid and not notice anything?!_

"Oh fuck, shit, fuck!" - Josh growled. What was he supposed to do? He grabbed the phone from the nightstand and quickly dialed 911. He ranted the address and hung up. Josh could feel tears gathering up in his eyes. He gently lifted Tyler from where he was lying and carried him to the bathroom. He knew what he had to do, he has seen it in movies and heard about it from other people, but he was scared, so fucking scared to not be able and help Tyler. 

Josh sat down near the toilet with Tyler leaning against his chest. He lifted the toilet seat and adjusted himself, wrapping one arm around unconscious Tyler's shoulders.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, it's gonna hurt. I'm so sorry." - Josh repeated through his tears as he forcefully shoved two fingers down Tyler's throat. After a moment, the house filled up with choking and gagging sounds. Josh was holding Tyler's limp body as all the alcohol and medicine was leaving the boy's body. 

"You're gonna be okay. You will be fine, I'm here." - Josh was whispering, more to himself than to Tyler. He thanked God he didn't lock the entrance door behind his back when he heard a knock after several minutes and then the sound of people's footsteps in the hallway.

"You will be okay, they will take care of you.." - The curly boy whimpered when he saw paramedics rushing into the flat.

_"Don't be afraid.. You will be okay,Ty.. I promise you."_


	10. Chapter 10

Josh decided he hated hospitals too. Especially, he hated waiting in the hospitals. Waiting for some kind of an information about Tyler, who's been rushed away from him a few hours ago. He's been sitting on the metallic, uncomfortable chair since then, waiting for anyone to tell him something. Was Tyler okay? Would he be okay? Every doctor, that walked out in the hallway looked like a messenger of death for the boy. But no, no that was wrong. Tyler could not be dead. Tyler had to be okay. Ruby needed him. Fuck it, Josh needed him. The curly boy run a hand over his face and sighed. Would he ever be able to forget what he saw today? Would he ever forgive himself? There was only one answer - no. He would never. His phone buzzed in his pocket and it seemed to snap him out of his dark thoughts. He pulled out the phone and saw the person who has texted him. He felt the guilt eating him alive. He was so shocked and scared that he forgot to tell Brendon about what happened.

Breadbin : _Yo, where r u man? We were supposed to watch Batman tonight, u 4got?_

Josh dialed the boy's number instantly with his trembling fingers. After two long beeps Brendon answered.

 _Man, what the fuck? You promised!"_ \- The loud boy from other side of the line whined.

"Bren.. Bren I'm in hospital. Something happened with Tyler, I-I don't know-"

 _"What?!"_ \- Brendon's scared voice cut him off. _"Josh where are you? Which hospital?!"_

"Bayview Clinic." - Josh sighed.

 _"I'll be there._ \- The boy hung up after these words. Josh cursed quietly. What was he supposed to tell Brendon? That he didn't notice Tyler freaking overdosed? That there was a huge chance he would walk out of the flat and leave the boy alone, to die? 

"Tyler Joseph?" - A high-pitched voice chimed into his thoughts. Josh looked up confused and saw the petite nurse standing in the end of the hallway. He quickly got up from his seat and approached her.

"I'm-I'm here for him."

"Are you a family member?" - She asked.

"I'm his brother." - Josh nodded, knowing he had to lie to get any information about Tyler.

"Well." - The nurse cleared her throat. "You've called just in time. And did a good job with pumping and emptying his stomach. He is stable now, but he will probably have a horrible stomachache when he wakes up. We managed to get all the alcohol and medicine out of his system. He needs to rest now. Assuming this was a suicide attempt, we must offer him a therapist's services, which he can either decline or accept."

Josh was nodding along, but words were muffed for his hearing. His mind has been blocked since he heard that Tyler was okay.

"Can I see him?" - He finally asked. The nurse scribbled something down in her papers and then lifted her gaze at Josh.

"Well, not technically.. You're his brother,right?"

"Yes. Yes, I am."

"Okay." - The nurse sighed. "Okay, follow me. I'll get you ten minutes with him."

Josh followed the woman down the hall, passing through dozens of the rooms. His heart was swelling from the fact that he was here for Tyler. He was here because Tyler tried to kill himself. _Tyler_. With this dimpled cheeks and crooked smile and shiny eyes and quiet voice and slender body and tanned skin. They finally approached one of the doors and the woman stepped away for Josh to walk in.

"Ten minutes." - She smiled.

"Thank you very much." 

His heart started to beat faster as he opened the door and stepped in. He saw Tyler, looking so broken and small, lying in the huge hospital bed, surrounded with annoyingly bright blue color. The tubes and IV-s were attached to his body and it made the brunette look a lot more fragile. Josh pushed the chair near his bed and crashed down on it. His fingers slowly found their place between Tyler's frozen ones. The curly boy stared down at the way Tyler's long, dark eyelashes touched his cheeks. The way his hair was sticking out in different directions, the was his lips were chapped and faded. And still, Tyler was beautiful and still, Josh was mesmerized. He gently rubbed Ty's cheek with his free hand and sighed.

"Fuck,Ty." - He managed to whisper. "Fuck, you scared me.. For a moment, I thought you.. I though I lost you and.." - He couldn't finish because of the ball of emotions getting stuck in his throat. He sniffled and cursed once again. Tyler didn't move and Josh had no idea if the boy could hear him. But maybe he didn't even care. Maybe he needed to say those things, without Tyler hearing or understanding them. He opened his mouth to say something again, but was cut off with a loud bang coming from the hallway. He heard rushed footsteps approaching the door and quiet hushes. He recognized the nurse's voice from earlier, she sounded nervous and even angry. Josh's brows knitted together as he had no idea what was going on. The door finally flew open and it revealed wide-eyed Brendon. The boy looked pale, his hair was messed up from anxiously running fingers through it. The raven-haired boy's eyes darted from one place to another, finally stoping on Tyler's bed.

"Oh my God." - He whispered.

"You can't be here.." - The petite nurse hissed as she followed the boy in. "Please, please you have to leave, I beg you!"

Josh got up from the chair, his fingers slipping out and abandoning Tyler's hand. He neared Brendon and gripped on his arms, trying to stop the boy from getting in.

"Bren, we need to leave-"

"No! No, don't fucking touch me." - Brendon spat, his eyes never leaving Tyler. Josh squeezed the boy's arm harder and pushed him. He finally dragged Brendon out from the room, leaving the nurse inside.

"Get your hands away from me!" - Brendon yelled and tried to pull away.

"No, no listen to me.." - Josh's hands went up to the boy's face,cupping his cheeks. "Brendon, he's gonna be okay. He needs to rest and we can't go in right now. You have to understand it."

Brendon tried to push Josh away from him, but the curly boy was too strong, so he finally surrendered and hang his head low. His thin shoulders started to shake as tears gathered up in his eyes. In a second, Josh pulled the boy in the hug, holding him close to his chest.

"He did it, didn't he.." - Brendon whispered, clutching on Josh's back.

"Yeah.. Yeah, he did.." - Josh responded. He felt his friend's body trembling from pain. "But he will be okay. He's gonna be fine, you'll see."

"I will kill them." - Brendon's distress suddenly got replaced with anger and range. "I will kill them for taking Ruby away from him. I will fucking-"

"Hey, you won't kill anyone,okay? We will wait here until Ty wakes up and then we will take him home and take care of him." - Josh hushed. He was surprised by his ability to stay calm in this situation, because only a few hours ago he watched how his love fought with death, _Love_. The world resonated in his mind. Tyler was his _love._

"Did you save him?" - Brendon asked quietly. Josh nodded, with no words escaping his mouth. He felt Brendon's grip on his growing harder. "Thank you. Thank you fro saving him. And for loving him."

_I saved him physically.._


	11. Chapter 11

Josh's back was hurting. He would probably break his vertebras if he had to sit longer on the metallic chair in the hallway. But, fortunately, he spotted a young nurse approaching him with a huge pile of papers in her hands. 

"He woke up." - She announced. "You can go see him-"

She couldn't finish what she was saying. Brendon bolted up from his seat beside Josh and run towards the room where Tyler was. Josh sat frozen for a moment, then shook his head and got up, following his friend. The minute he walked into the room he noticed that the room looked different then the day before. It was brighter, sunnier,warmer and Josh tried really hard not to connect it with Tyler being okay. The curly boy's gaze fell on the bed. His breath hitched as he was met with a pair of big, doe eyes full of sadness and a broken smile.

"Ty.." - He breathed and appeared near the bed in a second. Brendon was sitting on it, his fingers interlaced with Tyler's.

"You little shit." - The raven-haired boy was mumbling. "You've scared the hell out of me.."

"I'm sorry.." - Tyler looked down, guilt painting in his eyes. Josh elbowed Brendon weakly, causing him to hiss.

"Don't be sorry. We're glad you're okay, Ty." - Josh spoke up, smile stretching on his lips. 

"Yeah.." - The smaller boy nodded, not tearing his gaze off the floor. "Did you-Did you tell my mom?"

"No. No, of course we did not." - Josh shook his head. If they told Tyler's mother about what happened, there would be a huge chance of Tyler never getting Ruby back. So of course, it was out of the question. The quick footsteps approached the boys from behind. Josh turned his head to meet the same small nurse from earlier.

"Hello, Mr. Joseph." - She said with her monotone voice. "How are you feeling?"

Tyler shrugged in response.

"I'm here to tell you that we can provide the professional therapist's services here, in our hospital. Would you like to-"

"No." - Tyler cut her off.

"But you-"

"No. Thank you, but no."

The nurse knitted her brows together and sighed.

"Well, in that case.. There is no further danger for your health so we have no reason to keep you in the hospital for any longer. I will prepare the papers and after signing them, you're free to go." - With these words she turned around on her heel and walked out of the room.

"Finally." - Brendon rolled his eyes. "We're going home, Ty. You don't even imagine how uncomfortable these chairs are. They feel like a fucking Iron Throne."

"I am sorry for keeping you here, for worrying you.." - Tyler whispered. 

"Hey, hey, no buddy. We're happy you're okay." - Brendon frowned and put his hand on Tyler's shoulder. "Look, I'll go deal with papers, you stay with Josh." - The black-haired boy got up from the bed and disappeared from the room. Josh was left alone with Tyler and once again, he had no idea what to say. He opened his mouth, but words couldn't escape him. So he just stood there with his lips parted and breathing stopped.

"Josh.." - Tyler started suddenly. "Josh, I am so, so sorry. God, that must have been so awful.. I feel so bad for putting you through this.. You weren't supposed to come, I-I had no idea.."

"I am glad I came." - Josh finally cracked. He sat down near Tyler. His hands went up and cupped his cheeks. Josh was surprised because of his own actions. "Tyler, if I didn't come in, you'd be gone.. Everything that matters right now is that you are okay, and-and alive. I don't know what would I do if you.." - He couldn't finish the sentence. Images of unconscious, pale Tyler appeared in his mind again, but he tried to blink them away.

"I got drunk." - Tyler admitted. "I couldn't control my thoughts.. I control them on daily basis, don't let them take a power over me, but I was too drunk and couldn't bear.. Thought of never seeing Ruby took over me. I lost Jenna, I lost Ruby, and I've disappointed you and Brendon. I'm such a mess-"

"You are not." - Josh locked the thin boy into his embrace. "You are not a mess. You are wonderful, beautiful, unbelievable, magical and the most important - alive. You didn't disappoint us. You've scared us, scared me, because the thought of never seeing you, hearing your soothing voice or inhaling your vanilla smell is so fucking scary for me.."

The yellow-haired boy knew he was going too far, but he also knew Tyler needed to hear these things. Needed to hear the truth.

"I care about you, Ty. More than you could ever imagine. You're important, so damn important. So I need you to be okay, I need you to fight with your demons-"

"I can't." - Tyler whispered shakily, his tears wetting Josh's t-shirt. "They're so strong, Jish.. They're so fucking strong.."

"But you're stronger. I am stronger. I won't let you surrender, I won't let them win, I promise you." 

Tyler pulled away from Josh's hug, and for a second, Josh's heart missed a beat because he thought Tyler was feeling uncomfortable. But then, suddenly, his world turned upside down. Tyler, his love, his muse, his thoughts and fears, his _Tyler_ leaned forward,rubbed his nose on Josh's cheek and placed a small, tiny peck. Josh froze, his breathing stopped once again because of this boy. His eyes went wide and he swallowed hardly, trying not to look as shocked as he felt. His heart was hammering in his chest like crazy, sounding like a drum-beat of some hard-rock melody. The curly boy finally lifted his gaze and looked at Tyler, who was now smiling, his dimples sending shivers down Joshua's spine.

"Thank you, my savior." - Tyler said jokingly, smile not fading from his face. Josh was just about to answer something, when Brendon's loud voice from the hallway cut him off. 

"Everything's done, get dressed!"

Tyler visibly tensed from the thought of going back to the place where he decided to end it all. But Josh interlaced his fingers with the boy's and finally smiled at him.

_"Hey. Don't be afraid. We're going home._


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry if this is small and lame and there are mistakes. I'm typin' this chapter with my iphone 'cause my boyfriend accidently broke my macbook, lol. but then he took me to the pride march so i forgave him xd okay, i'm gonna shut up now.

It was raining. Josh looked outside of the window and sighed. They've been back from the hospital for two days now and it never stopped raining. I was raining and for some God damn reason it felt so symbolic for Josh. Tyler hasn't gone better. Ever since he's been released, the boy barely talked. And Josh was scared. He was scared of Tyler's mind and thoughts. Brendon decided it was a good idea for him and Josh to move in with Tyler for some time, to keep an eye on the boy. Josh teared his gaze of the window and turned his head to the side. He looked at Tyler, who was laying peacefully in his bed. A spot near the boy was empty, both Josh and Brendon knew they couldn't sleep there - it was Ruby's spot. Josh was laying on the couch near the bed, meanwhile, Brendon's quiet snores could be heard from the living room, where he dragged his iwn couch from the appartament. 

Josh stared at Tyler, unable to shake off the thoughts from his head. The thin boy looked so.. Calm. And so beautiful. Josh knew if somebody saw him, he would be called a weirdo and a creepy guy, but he didn't give a fuck. Tyler was fucking pretty. And he deserved to be happy. He deserved to have his daughter by his side. And even though Josh had never had a normal father, or a father at all, but he knew Tyler was a good dad. And he knew Tyler needed Ruby to survive. Yesterday, Josh heard that Brendon was talking with Tyler's mother on the phone. Jenna's parents called the Josephs' and asked them to keep Tyler away from Ruby. Kelly was devastated. She was crying on the otherside of the line, begging Brendon to take care of Tyler. Brendon was just nodding and humming alone. What could he say? That they failed and almost let Tyler die? 

Josh's thoughts were interrupted as he saw Tyler's sillhouette sitting up in the dark. The yellow-haired boy's brows knitted together and he leaned forward and tried to see the boy's face through the darkness.

"Ty, what's wrong?" - He asked quietly, trying hard not to scare the boy. 

"Shut up." - Tyler whispered. Josh's breath hitched and he froze. What did that mean? Did Tyler ger tired of him? Was he annoying? Was he- 

"Please, shut up. Get out of my head." - Tyler continiued to plead and it suddenly hit Josh. The boy wasn't talking to him. He probably didn't even hear Josh. Josh swallowed hardly and slowly stood up from the couch. He looked down and realized he was only dressed in his boxers, but decided it was okay since it was so dark in the room. The curly boy approached Tyler's bed and sat down on the egde.

"Why the fuck did you come back?" - Tyler asked, louder this time. His fingers were clutched on his hair as he slowly rocked back and forth. "I thought you were gone. I've kicked you out!"

"Tyler." - Josh tried to snap the boy out of this trance. But Tyler didn't seem to even notice Josh's presence. 

"Leave me alone. You-I don't know what you want from me. You're not real.. I've spent years trying to believe that you're not real. Get out." - Tyler continiued to mumble and Josh was getting scared. 

"Ty, hey, it's Josh. Nobody's here-"

"He's here." - The boy whispered and Josh realized Tyler finally spotted him. 

"Who is here, Ty?"

"He-He wants me dead." - Tyler's voice cracked. 

"Tyler.." - Josh neared the boy, he was now sitting right in front of him. "Tyler, can I touch you?"

"Please.." - The boy whimpered. In a second, Josh wrapped his arms around the boy's thin frame protectively, burying his nose in Tyler's fluffy hair. 

"You're going to be okay.." - Josh whispered, his lips never leaving Tyler's hair. 

"Make him leave, Josh." - The boy was sobbing. "Please tell him to leave me alone."

"What is his name, Tyler?"

"Blurryface.."

"Blurryface." - Josh repeated quietly. "Fuck off, Blurryface.."

Tyler let out a small giggle suddenly. Josh knew he sounded funny, but he had no idea what to do. 

"Get the fuck out of here, Blurryface!" - He continued, louder this time. "Leave Tyler alone! Get out! Fuck off!!"

Josh was shouting now, his loud voice ringing through the silent night. He was shouting and Tyler was laughing. His head was thrown back as loud giggles and gasps were leaving his chest. He was laughing. And you know what? Josh felt proud. He missed Tyler's laugh and he felt fucking proud. Until a wide-eyed, messy-haired and pale-faced Brendon Urie flew into the room. He was wearing a plaid pajama bottoms and was holding a frying pan in his right hand. 

"What happend?!!" - He screamed, looking shocked and scared. Tyler laughed even harder at this, holding his stomach. Josh bursted into the laugh too, unable to catch a breath and answer Brendon.

"What the fuck is going on?!" - Brendon yelled, looking around in the room and trying to get an answer. 

"Bren.. Bren, oh God, is that-is that a fucking frying pan?!" - Josh managed to catch his breath. 

"What else was I supposed to use as a weapon?!" - Brendon growled and finally lowered a pan ."Why the fuck were you screaming?!"

"We were kicking Blurryface out." - Tyler responded quietly. Through the darkness, Josh could see Brendon's features softening in a moment. 

"He's here?"- He asked Tyler. 

"Not anymore. Not right now." - Tyler looked at Josh. Josh smiled at him warmly and ruffled his hair. 

"In that case,I'm going back to sleep." - Brendon yawned as he started walking back towards the living room. "And I'm keeping a pan under the pillow, in case anything happens."

The house drowned in silence once again as Brendon disappeared from the bedroom. Josh was staring at Tyler, while the boy's gaze was locked on the wall in front of him. He wasn't laughing anymore. Not even smiling. He was back to the state he's been in for the last couple of days. 

"Hey." - Josh gently touched his shoulder. 

"Josh." - Tyler whispered, eyes never leaving the wall. 

"Yeah, Ty?"

"Don"t leave me alone. Don't let me be gone."

Josh felt his heart hammering in his chest. 

"Never." - He shook his head. Tyler finally dragged his gaze up at him and looked straight into Josh's brown eyes. 

"Ruby used to cry and laugh and make funny noises all the time." - He said suddenly. "She was filling up my life with sounds of joy and happiness."

Josh didn't know what to say. His heart ached. Tyler laughed at himself and nodded. 

"And now I just sit in silence.."

_No, you have us. We are here for you._

"And he's getting strong in silence and I can't fight him. He feeds on silence.." - Tyler reffered to Blurryface and put his finger to his temple. 

"I will talk all night if that's what you need." Josh suggested. " I-I will sing, or hum. I will do anything for you to feel safe. And Brendon will protect you with his pan." - A smile streched on Tyler's face, his dimples spinning Josh's head once again. 

"Can you sleep here tonight?" - He asked quietly. 

Oh. Josh couldn't breath.

"He-Here? You mean, at Ruby's-"

"Yes. It used to be Jenna's spot. Then Ruby's. And now it's empty. Too much of emptyness in my life.. So,please?"

Yeah, Josh couldn't breath.

"Sure. Sure, Ty.."

Josh definetly didn't spend the night inhaling Tyler's sweet smell as he held the thin boy in his arms. He definetly didn't think how much he loved Tyler. Of course he did not. 

Or maybe he did. And maybe he placed a couple of kisses on the boy's face when Tyler fell asleep. 

And maybe Tyler wasn't completly asleep at that time and maybe he couldn't stop the corners of his lips from lifting up in a small smile. Maybe..


	13. Chapter 13

guess who's back. back again. shady's back. tell a friend. 

21st of july was a strange day. i tried to kill myself. and failed,lol. what a surprise, haha. my boyfriend had to save his stupid suicidal boyfriend's ass once again. i don't even know what to say. since i'm an adult, nobody has the right to force me to go to the mental hospital, thanks universe. but i promised my mom i'd get better. i promised her,okay? so i will. she's my ray of light. she's my fuckin kitchen sink. it all just got too much. it is hard to deal with homophobic people around me, it is hard to deal with dark and heavy thoughts inside my head, it's fucking hard when your body refuses to produce the right chemicals in your brain. but i promise i will continue writing this story, because my fucking fantasies and imagination are the only thing keeping me sane in this mess. so i guess you're still stuck with me and my lame fic. this fic is dark, i guess. the story is dark and sad. i will try to help my charcters. i will try to help myself. 

sorry if you thought this was an update, i hate when people do this. i truly am sorry. 

oh, and the news about Chester broke my heart. i know what it feels like. and it's so fucking sad. please get help, even if you think that you don't deserve it. you do,i promise. you are important, you are a part of this universe. i know it is hard,i really do.. talk to somebody, ask for a help. don't tie a noose around your neck, tie it around your mind. don't slit your wrists, slit the darkness in your mind. don't take sleeping pills, take the right ones that will help you. and for the love of God (or whatever you believe in) don't try to drown yourself in the bathtub because the person who will find you will get the mental scar for the rest if their life (and it's painful, trust me, your throat will feel sratchy and your chest will ache from the cpr) please just stay alive. and i will too


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i am sorry if this sucks. but i love you, so fucking much i wish you all knew.

"Gooood morning, Vietnam! Rise and shine you-Oh, what the fuck!" - The loud, head-piercing voice rang through the flat. Josh snapped his eyes open and sat up in the bed, trying to blink the blur away. Brendon has walked into the room, holding a mug full of dark coffee. The boy was staring at Josh with his lips parted and eyes wide. Josh knitted his brows together, not getting why his friend was looking at him so shocked. But then it hit him when he felt a weight beside him. Sleep disappeared from his mind completelty as the panic started rising up in his chest. _Tyler._ Josh's eyes darted to the side. Tyler was laying next to him with his eyes shut. His soft,full lips were looking so beautiful, his long,dark eyelashed barely touching the boy's pale, slightly hollowed cheeks.

Brendon cleared his throat loudly.

"Oh, shit-fuck, Bren-Hi. Hi, morning." - Josh mumbled and tried to untangle himself from the blankets. 

"Stop eye-fucking my best friend right in front of me." - Brendon said with his face dead serious. Josh looked up at him and gasped.

"What? No! No, I wasn't-Look, it looks wrong I know we just-"

"We fell asleep while talking." - Tyler's quiet voice cut him off. Josh's head turned to the side where he was met with the boy's sleepy face. "Relax, Brendon."

"Oh, I'm relaxed." - Brendon shrugged and sipped his coffee. "Get up, both of you. I've made some pancakes."

"Did you burn something? It smells like smoke." - Tyler's nose scrunched. 

"Well, I could have burned a couple of them. But you still have to eat them." - Brendon smirked and walked out of the room.

__

They were eating in the full silence, the only noise was some strange music that was playing on the radio. Brendon's pancakes sucked. They were burned from the outside, unbaked on the inside but boys had no other choice, they had no eat. Josh swallowed hardly a bite of disgusting food and sipped his tea. Tyler spoke up suddenly.

"Help me to get her back."

Josh's heart stinged. He wanted to help, but had no idea how to. He wanted to say something, but Brendon cut him off.

"How?"- The raven-haired boy asked.

"I-I've been thinking and.. I think I should talk with my parents. I need their help. And then.. Then I will visit Jenna's parents.."

"Ty!" - Brendon gasped. "Are you sure? You know they-"

"Yes, I know they hate me." - Tyler nodded. Josh had no idea what they were talking about, so Tyler explained. "They have always hated me. Even since me and Jenna started dating. They always thought Jenna deserved better. They were right, to be honest.."

"Hey, no! No, they were not." - Brendon shook his head angrily. "Jenna loved you and you were the best for her."

"Anyways.." - Tyler ignored his friend's words. "I have to talk to them. I need to try and get Ruby back. I need her to survive." - His voice cracked on the last part.Josh was sitting there and staring at the boy with no idea what to say.

"Will you-Will you two come with me? I need you. I can't do it without you."

"Of course we will." - Brendon said softly. "Right, Josh?"

Josh finally snapped out of his trance and cleared his throat.

"Yes. Yes, sure."

"Thank you." - Tyler smiled. _Tyler smiled_ and Josh died on the inside. Again, Brendon saved the situation.

"Ryan invited us to the bar tonight. I sait I would ask you, but it's okay if you don't want to come, Ty, it's-"

"I want to come." - Tyler nodded.

"Oh." - Brendon blinked. "Perfect." - The boy grinned. "Now go back to eating my precious pancakes."

__

Josh never thought that a shy, quiet person like Ryan would somehow find anything in common with someone as loud and energetic as Brendon Urie. But he was wrong, so wrong. He could literally see the love sparks glimpsing in Brendon's chocolaty eyes as he was talking to Ryan. Brendon adored him and so did Ryan. They were so magically in love that Josh was jealous so he had to try relly hard and hide it. He threw back his head and drank anther shot of stinging alcohol drink. The burning sensation went down his throat to his chest. Someone flopped down beside him on the chair. A mess of fluffy, brown hair. Big, watery, doe eyes. Plump, pink lips. Pointy, pretty nose. Flushed cheeks. _A drunk problem in Josh's pants._

"The last-t time I got d-drunk it didn't end well." - Tyler slurred. Instantly, Josh got flashbacks of Tyler's attempt. His brows knitted together sadly. 

"I am sor-sorry I've put you through that." - Tyler mumbled.

"Don't apologise." - Josh shook his head. He looked at Tyler, whose eyelids were already getting heavy from the alcohol in his blood. "You're drunk." - Josh stated and laughed. Tyler looked at him and smirked.

"And you're pretty."

 _Oh my God._ Josh's world was spinning, blood was boiling in his veins. He sucked in the breath and looked around, trying to spot Brendon anywhere near them. But he was gone. And Ryan was gone, too. Great. 

"I wish I didn't h-have this thoughts about you, Josh." - Tyler continiued. "It feels wrong, and right at the same time. I feel like I'm betraying Jenna, but this is so different from what I've felt with her."

Josh's head was going to explode. His knuckles were getting white from his grip on the edge of the table.

"Sometimes I wish you could just.." - Tyler leaned forward suddenly, his face getting too close with Josh's. The curly boy could literally feel Tyler's hot breath on his lips. "...Kiss me."

 _Boom._ Josh was definetly having a heart attack. He gasped quietly, his eyes never leaving Tyler's lips. He couldn't breath properly. 

"Ty.." - He breathed shakily, his hands going up and cupping brunette's face. "Ty,what the hell are you doing to me?" - He whispered. 

Tyler did not respond. He shook his head quietly,then looked at Josh sadly and moved his head away.

"I am sorry.. We better g-go home. I'll go find Urie." - With these words he got up,slipped away from Josh's touch and disappeared in the crowd. 

Josh was left feeling numb and empty.


	15. Chapter 15

The next morning was peaceful. Josh was sleeping on the bed near Tyler, while Brendon and Ryan somehow managed to fall asleep on the floor beside them, limbs tangled and breaths intertwined. None of them could remember how they stumbled back home at 5 a.m., their legs barely holding their bodies. They would probably sleep all day if suddenly a loud noise didn't fill up the house. Brendon bolted up as he felt something vibrating in the pocket of his black jeans he still had on. He pulled out the phone quickly and stared down at the caller ID.

"Ugh, pick it up!" - Ryan groaned beside him.

"Hello?" - Brendon answered the phone. "Oh, hi Mrs. Joseph. Yeah, he's here, sleeping. Sure, give me a minute."

Brendon grabbed a pillow and threw it at Tyler, whose head was resting on Josh's chest.

"Mhhhm." - Tyler whined. The raven-haired boy approached the bed and sat down near Tyler's legs.

"Wake up, your mom wants to talk to you." 

"My-My mom?" - Tyler asked confusedly as he sat up. "Why is she calling you?"

"'Cause apparently, your phone died last night. Answer her." - Brendon handed him the phone.

"Mom?" - Tyler cracked as he neared the phone with his shaking hands.

_"Good morning,baby. How are you feeling?"_ \- Kelly's loud voice rang through his brain.

"I'm fine, mother. Is everything okay? Why are you calling-"

_"Do you think you could visit us today,Tyler? I need to tell you something very important. I wouldn't ask if it wasn't so urgent."_

"What's going on?!" - Tyler asked worriedly. 

_"Please, just come. We'll be waiting"_ \- With these words the woman hung up the phone. Tyler stared down at the gadget confused.

"Ty? What's going on?" - Josh asked, he woke up when Brendon landed on their bed and heard Tyler talking on the phone.

"I-I don't know. She wants me to visit her." - Tyler answered and knitted his brows together. He had no idea what was going on.

"Okay, get up now!" - Brendon announced. "I'm gonna make some pancakes for you."

"No, not again, I beg you!" - Ryan whimpered. "I still get cramps in my stomach from the last time."

"Shut up." - Brendon rolled his eyes. "Come on, you're gonna help me." - He literally dragged his half-sleeping boyfriend into the kitchen with him.

Josh yawned and finally blinked the sleep away. Memories of the last night slowly crawled back to his mind. _Bar. Drinks. Tyler. Boner. Tyler's words._ Josh's eyes went to Tyler, who was staring at the wall in front of him. The curly boy realized he probably didn't even remember his words. He didn't remember how he asked Josh to kiss him. Josh sighed and shook his head. He was probably wrong for getting all these thoughts, only because Tyler had too much alcohol. He knew the brunette had enough problems on his own, he didn't want to become another one for him. So he nudged Tyler's shoulder weakly and smiled at him when the boy looked up.

"Let's go eat Brendon's shit food and then I'll drive you to your mother's."

"Okay, Josh." - Tyler nodded. Brendon's loud singing in the kitchen about being victorious was probably waking up the neighbors. 

__

The drive was quiet. Tyler had his head resting on the window as Josh pulled over near the address Tyler gave him. He stopped the car and turned off the engine. He looked at Tyler who seemed completely zoned out. His thoughts were probably taking him away. No, Josh didn't like when it happened.

"Ty?" - He gently touched the boy's shoulder. Tyler snapped out of his thoughts and looked at him. "We're here."

Tyler glanced out of the window, his brows raising from surprise.

"Oh. When did we-" - He cut himself off. He stared at his house for a moment. It meant so much for him. This house was the place where learned how to walk, talk, think. This was the place where his dark thoughts visited him for the first time. This was the place where he purposed to Jenna. It was filled up with bitter-sweet memories for him. He would probably never be able to live there again. Tyler gulped before looked at Josh. 

"Let's go?"

Josh couldn't hide his surprise. 

"You want me to come?"

"Yes. Please?"

"Yeah. Sure, of course, Ty." - Josh nodded and git out of the car. Tyler followed and then leaded him towards the front door. Tyler rang a bell. He was shuffling from one feet to another and Josh could literally hear him thinking his brains away. A quiet footsteps approached them from the otherside and in a second, the door revealed Tyler's mother. Her faded, blond curls were falling down on her face as she smiled widely at the boys. Josh's heart missed a beat when he saw the same look in her eyes, the one Tyler had. 

"Baby, hi!" - The woman opened her arms and locked Tyler in bone-cracking hug. She patted his back and kissed her son's temple. "Oh, I missed you so much!"

"I can't breath, mother." - Tyler whispered. Josh chuckled and this seemed to gain the woman's attention. She finally let Tyler go and was now looking at colour-haired boy. 

"Mom, this is Josh. My-My friend." - Tyler mumbled. His mother smiled and reached her hand for Josh. 

"Hi, Josh. I'm Kelly."

Josh shook her hand and smiled back. 

"It's very nice to meet you."

"Come in. I've baked a pie for you!" - Kelly stepped out of the way so the boys could walk in. 

"Good. We're gonna need it, after Brendon's lame excuse of pancakes." - Tyler said. 

"Oh, how is he?" - Kelly asked her son as they sat down on the couch in the living room. 

"He's fine, I guess." - Tyler shrugged. 

Josh took his time at looking around the room. It was filled with framed photos of the family. He spotter Tyler's photo from when he was just a boy, holding a basketball ball and grinning at the camera. He saw the photo where Tyler was hugging a huge, white dog. And finally, a photo of Tyler and Jenna, probably from their wedding day. Something stinged inside of his chest so he looked away. 

"Oh, right, the pie! I'll bring it-"

"Mom." - Tyler stopped his mother from getting up. "What did you want to talk about?"

Kelly smiled and sat back down. 

"Well, I-"

She was interrupted again by a strange noise coming from the upstairs. Tyler's head snappep up, his eyes going wide. He looked back at his mother, who had her mouth opened, trying to say something. 

"Tyler, baby-"

"What was it?" - The boy asked, with his voice shaking. 

Kelly sighed and got up from the couch. 

"Go check it yourself."

Josh barely registered what was happening as Tyler bolted up from his seat and run up the stairs. Josh followed him, trying to catch up with the brunette. Tyler run past the bedroom doors, finally stopping near the last one. Josh was breathing heavily, still surprised by his actions. 

"Tyler, what did you hear?" - He managed to crack, but the other boy ignored his question and opened the door quickly. Josh saw a boy near the bed, who was probably a bit younger then him. His hair was shaved, and eyes wide from the surprise. Josh noticed he looked like Tyler a lot and assumed it would probably be Zack, Tyler's brother. But he was not alone in the room. There was someone on the bed behind him. 

"Ty, you're already here?" - The boy asked shocked. Tyler didn't answer, instead he started walking towards the bed with an emotionless face. 

Suddenly, the noise repeated and this time Josh heard it too. A cry. A small cry he would recognise everywhere. Tyler stopped walking. He froze on the spot and Josh could see his face twisting from emotions and shock. 

"No. No, this can't be-" - Tyler slurred. Zack smiled at him and finally stepped aside, revealing a person on the bed. Tyler let out a small whimper. He would probably fall down on his knees if Josh didn't run up and catch him in time. The brunette covered his mouth with his hand as tears spilled from his eyes. 

There she was. The ray of light. A small, sweet creature. His girl. His angel. His Ruby. 

Josh's heart started beating faster as he saw her too. Tyler managed to steady himself and slowly approached the bed on his shaking legs. He sat down on the bed beside her and reached out his hand to touch her, as he was checking if his daugther was real. 

"You-You're here. Baby, you're here." - He whispered. His eyes flew up to Zack. "How-How did you-"

"Mom and Dad went to Blacks' this morning. I don't know what they told them, but apparently, they got her back."

Tyler looked down at his daugther again. She was chewing a small toy and staring up at him with here wide, beautiful blue eyes. The brunette slowly bent down, placing a small kiss on her forehead abd inhaling her smell. 

"My angel, you're back. You're with me.." - He was whispering. 

"I'm gonna head down, help mom. Come down when you're done." - Zack said. He walked to the door and smiled at Josh before disappearing into the hallway and closing the door behind him. 

"Josh." - Tyler called suddenly. "Come here, Josh."

Josh obeyed. He approached the bed and chuckled when he saw Ruby staring up at him with a surprised expression. 

"Yeah, you recognise Josh, don't you, baby girl?" - Tyler smiled. "I can't believe it- You've changed so much. Your hair is longer, look." - Tyler gently tugged one of Ruby's chesnut-coloured curls and giggled. Then he looked up at Josh. 

"Isn't she beautiful?"

"Yes, Ty." - Josh smiled and nodded. "The most beautiful girl in the world."

"I agree. It's like-I feel like she is not real. Am I dreaming?"

"Nope, Ty. This is real." - Josh chuckled. 

Tyler suddenly got up from the bed and looked Josh in the eyes, sending shivers down the curly boy's spine. 

"Wanna check it."

Josh gulped and smiled shakily. 

"H-How?"

"I have an idea." - Tyler breathed and approached him even more, his face inches away from Josh. "Fuck. Wanted to do this for so long."

With this words, Tyler's plump lips roughly pressed on Josh's chapped ones, swallowing a quiet moan the curly boy couldn't hold anymore. 

And you know, Josh finally understood why kisses were often compred to fireworks.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I feed on drama, oh lord help

Josh was in complete trance. His mind has drifted off to another universe, his eyes saw nothing and his ears heard no sounds. Kelly called the boys down not long after they've shared the kiss, so here he was, sitting near the dinner table at Josephs' household, having no idea what to do or speak about. He glanced at Tyler, who was sitting right in front of him. The brunette was concentrated on his food. Josh felt like he was trapped.

"So, Josh.." - Zack cleared his throat. "You live with Brendon, right?"

"What?" - Josh snapped out of his thoughts and looked at the boy. Zack gave him a surprised look, so he shook his head and tried to smile. "Oh, um, yes. Me and Bren are sharing an apartment."

"What happened with Pete? He was such a lovely young man." - Kelly asked.

"He-He got married." - Josh smiled. 

"Oh." - Kelly blinked and sipped red wine from her glass. "Well.. Tell us about yourself,darling,-"

"Mother." - Tyler cut her off and stared at her coldly. 

"What? I just wanted to get to know your friend, honey." - Kelly shrugged.

"Just eat your food, mom. And let us do the same." - Tyler mumbled. The room drowned in silence. Yeah, Josh definietely felt trapped. Tyler was avoiding his gaze and that meant nothing good.

 

__

"Promise to call me when you get home. And send me photos of Ruby everyday. Oh, and remember to take her to doctors for a check-up, and-"

"Mooom!" - Tyler whined, as he sat Ruby down on her chair in the car.

"Sorry." - Kelly smiled. "Come here,baby. Hug your momma." 

The woman captured her son in a bone-cracking hug, literally squeezing the life out of Tyler.

"I love you so much, please take care of yourself." - Kelly sniffled.

"Mom, I'll be okay, just-just let me go so I can breath." - Tyler breathed.

"Oh, right, sorry." - The woman giggled and let Tyler finally pull away. She looked at Josh, who was standing near Tyler and smiled.

"It was so nice to meet you, Josh. Come here." - In a second, Josh was trapped in the same embrace and his breath got knocked out of him. He did not expect it. His insides felt warm. He patted the woman's shoulder and smiled.

"It was nice to meet you too, Mrs. Joseph."

"Okay, enough good byes,mom. Let them go already." - Zack nudged his mother's shoulder and winked at Josh. "See ya,man."

"Bye, Zack." - Josh nodded.

They finally sat into the car and Tyler started an engine. Kelly was still waving at them when they drove away from the house. 

And then they've drowned into the silence again, the only sound surrounding them was a soft music coming from radio. Josh glanced at Ruby from the mirror,she was sleeping peacefully. Too bad, he hoped he would at least talk to the baby, as long as Tyler was obviously ignoring him. Did they step too far? Why did Josh let Tyler kiss him? Was everything ruined now?

"I can hear you thinking." - Tyler suddenly said after hours of silent driving, when they've already approached their apartment. Josh's eyes went wide as he stared at the boy, whose eyes were glued at the road.

"Wow, he speaks." - Josh mumbled.

Tyler raised a brow at this and smirked, but didn't respond.

"So,what now? You're gonna ignore me and pretend it never happened?" - Josh finally asked.

"No." 

"Then what? Do you think this is some kind of a game, Tyler? You're playing with my mind, first in the club, then this. I'm literally going out of my mind-"

"It's hard, Josh." - Tyler whispered suddenly. He stopped the car near their house and turned off the engine. He stared down at his hands.

Josh gulped and regretted his outburst immediately. 

"What is hard, Tyler?"

"This whole.. Thing."

"Care to explain?" - Josh snapped.

"It feels wrong. I love Jenna. My Jenna and her golden hair, ocean eyes, colorful smile, rosy lips and beautiful mind. I love her soft voice and her gentle touch. But right now-right now I can't understand, do I love her or just miss her? Because God knows, at the same time I like your stupid smile, freckled shoulders, scrunchy eyes, quiet voice and that damned rainbow hair of you. I like the look you gave me when I first saw you in that doorframe,standing shirtless and stupidly attractive. God, Josh, I like your chapped lips that feel so right pressed against mine." - Tyler was whispering, his voice shaking and eyes filling up with tears. Josh was staring at him, mouth hanging from surprise. His heart was hammering in chest, ready to jump out. Was he imagining it?

"Jesus, what have you done to me? How-What am I supposed to do? How could I betray Jenna?"

"You're not betraying her." - Josh finally gained force to talk. "Ty, I-I know you're confused,so am I, but I am here for you and I-I'm ready to wait. For you. Wherever you're ready."

"Why?" - Tyler breathed. "Why would you want a broken boy with a baby?"

"Because." - Josh put his hand over Tyler's shaking one. "Because I want you, it's simple as that. And I want Ruby. Both of you.."

"No, this is wrong. I-I am sorry I said all these things, God this is awful. I am so sorry." - Tyler shook his head and unbuckled his seatbelt.

"Don't you run away from me, Tyler Joseph." - Josh said. "Please, just.. Please, talk to me."

"No." - Tyler said and got out of the car. He opened the back door and started unbuckling Ruby. Josh jumped out of the car immediately and tried to follow Tyler, who was now going up the stairs.

"Tyler!" - He called the boy.

"What, Josh?!" - The brunette turned around, tears drawing paths on his pale cheeks.

"Let me be with you." - Josh breathed. "You know it's not wrong. It is the most right thing ever.."

"No, stop saying that! This is life, not some stupid melodrama you and Brendon watch in the evenings! And I am sorry for letting you into my mess of a life. I truly do regret it." - Tyler said and turned around,trying to open his door with his shaking hands.

"Don't say that." - Josh whispered. 

Tyler didn't respond, he still struggled to open the door.

"I'm in love with you,Tyler."

The keys fell down from Tyler's fingers. He gasped, trying to swallow air but he couldn't feel anything. He thought he would even drop Ruby,so he hardened his grip on her tiny body. He turned his head to the side to face Josh, who was looking at him with a pleading look. Tyler's face twisted from pain, emotions washing over him. He quickly grabbed the keys and finally opened the door. 

The door shut loudly right in front of stunned Josh's face. All the air left his lungs, he was staring at the metallic door in front of him like it was the only thing in the universe.

"Fuck.." - He heard a familiar voice behind his back, realizing the door to his apartment was open all this time. He slowly turned around to face his friend. Brendon's eyes were full of sadness, his brows knitted together.

"I am sorry, Bren.." - Josh tried to control himself, but his voice shook to hard.

"What-Fuck, come here,man." - The raven-haired boy locked his friend into the embrace, letting Josh bury his face into the crook of his neck,as his shoulders started shaking from the sobs he couldn't manage to stop.

"I couldn't do it. I couldn't stop loving him.."


	17. Chapter 17

Josh was standing under the cold shower, he felt as his muscles relaxed under the stream. But of course, his brain was the only thing that was not able to relax or stop for even a moment. For almost a week he's been trying to get one particular person out of his mind. His running routines grew longer, he even took a double-shift at work just to occupy his mind with something else, but failed, like it's been expected. His evenings consisted of Brendon's and Ryan's long, boring talks, listening to the music he already knew by heart, drinking tea that was too sweet for his liking and staring at TV emotionlessly. 

Once again, he's returned form his run and quickly jumped into the shower before Brendon has woken up and occupied the place for the long hour, while singing Broadway songs like he belonged in one of the plays. Josh stopped the stream and sighed before grabbing a towel and drying himself. He slipped into the most comfortable, oversized hoodie he owned and a pair of sweatpants and walked out of the bathroom. He poured himself a glass of orange juice and stared out of the window. Drops of water were falling down from his wet,yellow hair. He's been thinking of dying it, but couldn't choose the color. Red? No, too extravagant. Blue? Too boring. Brendon, being the biggest gay in the world, suggested pink and for a moment Josh even liked the idea. But then again, who was he tying to impress? 

He heard the door opening behind his back followed by the loud yawn. He turned around to face sleepy Brendon. 

"Don't tell me you've already been out running or doing some shit like that." - The raven-haired boy mumbled as he opened the fridge and grabbed a box of juice.

"Yes, I did, not everybody sleeps till noon-Jesus, don't drink it like that!" - Josh whined. "Get a glass or something."

In response, Brendon flipped him off and drank all the juice. He dropped the carton into the garbage can and walked towards the bathroom.

"You didn't use all the water, did ya?" 

"No, I never do that." - Josh rolled his eyes. The door shut behind Brendon's back and in a second, the apartment filled up with the boy's high notes.

__

"..And then, of course, being a gentleman that I am, I've offered her a help with her books and that's why I was walking down the street with my ex-classmate and dragging her heavy books for her." - Brendon rambled as he stuffed his mouth with more popcorn.

"Shut up." - Ryan shook his head. "You know I'm not jealous, just quit explaining."

"But why?! Why aren't you jealous? Aren't you scared that somebody will take me away from you?" - Brendon gasped.

"Jesus, why would anyone do that in first place?" - Ryan sighed. "Plus, I trust you. That's it."

"Yes, but-but that doesn't mean.."

"Do you want me to be jealous?" - Ryan asked quietly, staring up at Brendon from under his long lashes. Brendon gulped and smiled shyly, his cheeks coloring in crimson.

"Well, I just think you'd be, you know.. Hot while being jealous."

"Oh, you think?"

Josh cleared his throat as a reminder that he was still sitting behind them on the couch, trying to block all the sex-talk the pair shared.

"Cockblock." - Brendon whispered and rolled his eyes. "Come on, Ry. Let's abandon him on and get a room."

"Finally!" - Josh exclaimed.

"Have fun masturbating, loser." - Brendon hissed before he dragged Ryan into his room and closed the door. 

Josh chuckled and grabbed a remote. He turned the "Friends" on and reached out for Brendon's popcorn. After only ten minutes, he heard a knock on the door. Josh got up, guessing it would be the pizza delievery. But of course, he was wrong. 

Popcorn fell out of his mouth as he opened the door and saw a person standing in front of him. Well, not really standing. More like crouching, hiding his face in his hands.

"Ty?!" - He gasped and kneeled in front of his guest. Tyler's thin shoulders were shaking and Josh could see he was barely holding himself up. "Ty, oh my God-Hey, what happened?!"

The boy raised his head from his hands, tear paths smeared all over his cheeks. Josh's heart sank, all of the anger disappearing in his body.

"Ty, fuck baby, come here." - He locked the boy with his strong arms, not caring about how they were literally sitting in the middle of the doorway. "Can you tell me what happened?"

"It-It's-It's been a y-year." - Tyler hiccuped, sobs wrecking his fragile body. Josh felt his heart swelling.

"Oh, shit, Ty.." - Josh sighed shakily as the words finally got to him. "Come on, let's get you in. I'll prepare a drink for you, what do you say?" - He whispered to the boy in his arms. 

Tyler nodded violently, squeezing Josh's hand.

"I'm-i'm so s-sorry for ev-everything.." - He stuttered quietly.

"No,no, don't- just, let's get you inside." - Josh gently placed his arms around the boy's waist and helped him up. He leaded Tyler into the living room, muted the TV and disappeared in the kitchen for a moment, only to return with a cup of hot tea. He sat down near the boy and handed him a mug.

"Here you go." - He smiled sweetly and placed a hand on Tyler's back. "I am really glad you came here instead of-well, going somewhere else." 

The boy nodded weakly in response and sipped his tea. His hands were shaking slightly and Josh hated it. He stared at the boy in front of him, his fluffy hair, thin frame, little pointy nose and full lips. God knew how much he wanted to hug,even kiss him. Of course, his thoughts got interrupted by the loud crushing noise escaping Brendon's room.

"Shit!" - They heard Brendon's muffled yell. Tyler's eyes went wide from surprise as he looked up at Josh.

"Good job." - Ryan's annoyed voice followed. 

"Well, I'm sorry, it's not my fault that this lamp was just fucking standing here like a-"

"It's been standing here since you moved into this house, Brendon!"

"Noo, Ry, where are you going? Come back!" - They hear the door opening and saw shirtless Ryan stepping towards the kitchen.

"I'm just gonna grab some wat-Tyler?" - Ryan froze on his spot.

"What-ler?" - Brendon followed his boyfriend. He looked to the side and spotted Tyler and Josh sitting on the couch. "Oh! Hey! Ty, how-how are you,man?"

Tyler giggled while staring at Brendon, not managing to say a word. Josh was looking at his friend too, shock written all over his face, even though his insides warmed as he felt Tyler smiling and heard his little, life-giving giggle.

"What-What's wrong?" - Brendon asked and looked at his boyfriend, who had a palm resting over his forehead. "Ryan? Why are these two staring?"

"What did I ever do to deserve this.." - Ryan whined. 

"What?!"

"You are naked, Brendon." - The curly boy sighed. The house filled up with Brendon screeching. 


	18. Chapter 18

Ruby's staring up at her father with her beautiful, deep, ocean eyes. She's staring at the way his fingers run through his fluffy, brown hair. The way he sighs and looks down. Their eyes meet. 

Ruby can't talk. But Ruby can see. And she can see so many things in her father's eyes. She sees desperation, like the one she feels when her tummy hurts and she wants it to stop. She sees sadness. like the one she felt when she was away from her father. She sees pain and struggle. But there's more. She sees hope. She sees faith. She sees her mother in Tyler's eyes. She sees her, even though she doesn't even know or remember her. She sees Jenna.

And she knows, Tyler sees Jenna in her, too. 

The boy smiles down at his daughter and runs a finger over her tiny cheek.

"Happy birthday, angel." - He whispers. 

___

Josh struggled to keep his balance as held dozens of cans of beer and walked towards his house. Brendon's been a bitch for the whole morning about them running out of fuel (beer) and Josh couldn't take his whining anymore. He placed the cans on the ground and reached for the keys into his pocket. That's when he saw a familiar silhouette in the yard. _Tyler._

The boy left Josh's house earlier without saying anything important to him. He wasn't really in a state of talking, Josh knew. He cleared his throat and approached Tyler.

He stared, fascinated, at the way the brunette's fingers were curled around the cigarette, his eyes glued on the spot in front of him. Josh wished he could just stand there and stare eternally. But of course, he couldn't. So, instead, he approached Tyler and sat down on the asphalt beside him.

Tyler turned his head to face him.

"Hey." - Josh smiled. 

"Hey, Josh." - Tyler smiled back. _Smiled_ and made Josh's world spin again.

"How are you?"

"Okay. I'm good." - Tyler mumbled.

Josh nods. 

"Look, I-"

"It's Ruby's birthday." - Tyler cut him off. 

"Oh. Oh, of course it is." - Josh smiled. "Wish her happy birthday from me, will you?"

"No." - Tyler gets up suddenly, dropping his cigarette down and stepping on it. "I won't. You will wish her yourself. Come on."

Josh blinked at the boy. He then jumped up from his seat and followed Tyler. 

"And before you say something - I know I am a dick." - Tyler stopped right in front of his door and looked at Josh. "I know I am a coward and a pussy, but you know what? I need you. I need you, Josh. And I can't let myself ruin one of a few things that are good in my life right now. So I am sorry. Sorry for pushing you away, sorry for being a cunt. I am really sorry-"

"Tyler." 

"Yeah?"

Tyler snapped out of his mumbling state and felt how warm hands cupped his face. 

"It's okay. Don't apologize, please." - Josh shook his head.

"But-"

"Tyler. I've got you, Tyler. It is okay."

Tyler leaned forward, burying himself in Josh's chest. He inhaled the familiar, sweet smell. He knew he smelled like nicotine right then, but he hoped Josh wouldn't mind. And, of course, Josh didn't mind. Instead, he wrapped his arms around the boy's thin frame and pushed him closer to himself. 

"Josh?" - Tyler called him quietly with a muffled voice.

"Yeah?"

"I know it's not _my_ birthday, but can I get a kiss?"

Josh laughed and shook his head. _He was so in love._

___

Ruby's staring up at the familiar brown eyes and dark hair. She's staring at the tattooed arms, details of which are visiting her in her dreams sometimes. She's listening to one of her favorite voices, trying to get what the words mean.

"...so right now your daddy and uncle Joshie are out there, in our apartment, probably fucking each-other's brains out-"

"Brendon!!" - Ryan screeches and hits his arm.

"Sorry, I meant hugging each-other's brains out." - Brendon grins. "So he sent us here to keep you a company for some time."

"Brendon, they just need to talk, they're not fucking-"

"Ryan!"

"Hugging! I meant hugging."

"Yeah, of course they're not." - Brendon rolls his eyes and looks back at Ruby. "So, I've heard it's your birthday, princess. Wanna hear some nasty poems from uncle Brendon?"

"Brendon,don't you dare!!" 

Ruby smiles up at the pair. Ruby is happy. So _hugging_ happy.


End file.
